It is truly amazing what you find in email records. The following was in the archived copy of emails obtained in a case in which the writer of the email denied having ever insulted the recipient. The case is a libel and slander case and several of the bcc'd parties gave this to the plaintiff. The writer denied sending it, only to have it be in those blasted email backups. While the sentiment is clear and a bit over the top, I had to admire the command of the English language exhibited - enough that I though you might appreciate it too. Although I am not at liberty to identify the parties involved, I do have express permission to use this excerpt as an example of what you do NOT want your employees to send out to anybody, inside or outside your company (so consider this a learning exercise). Needless to say, the case settled not long after we found this email on the writer's server:

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You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oink artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
(yes, I'm done now)

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So, anybody else as impressed/flabbergasted as I was?

Wow. How long does it take to say "**** you, *******"

well, I certainly hate this dude now.

Seriously, this sounds like a joke on a messageboard. Obviously there are details to the case not presented here which might change my impression, but were I to receive this, I would only respond "well done, sir."

I think somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed, particularly when bcc:ing other people because of how "proud" you are of your command of a thesaurus.

Still, I guess he/she was a bit put off by the other party.

And actually, depending on the computer and account the e-mail might have been sent from (particularly a work computer), I might consider contending that someone else sent it using my account. Good luck proving that wrong (though there are ways).

It dates back at least 8 years:
http://www.jerrypournelle.com/reports/sp...sults.html

Texd,

Interesting find. Thanks! That suggests that this was indeed a cut and paste job or perhaps forwarding a very old email rather than any original drafting. Not quite sure how that would fit into this case, but interesting fact nonetheless.

That's what google told me (I cut and pasted a random sentence and got a good number of hits. That was the oldest I saw in the first page of hits).

ETA: And actually it was Emmie's comment that it looked like a joke from a message board that made me think I'd seen it somewhere before. I think someone might have posted this back during that whole [name] thing that was going on here.

ETA2: A quick search reveals that portions of it also appear on this BBS... here's one example, and there are more: http://ncaabbs.com/showthread.php?tid=14...pid1492247

I thought this thread was about the stupid 18 year old kid convicted of distributing child porn by sending a naked picture of his 16 year old girlfriend to some people on his email list.

I am hearing some interesting insults in King Lear on television tonight. I read the play in my first semester of English 100 in 1971 so it has been a long time ago.

I'm guessing this one probably shouldn't be sent out my e-mail. I mean, the stereotypes being played here are crazy.

(04-10-2009 06:09 PM)gsloth Wrote:  I'm guessing this one probably shouldn't be sent out my e-mail. I mean, the stereotypes being played here are crazy.

But how they made the commercial is pretty funny..