Plans for new Bush statue to replace Saddam ruin in Baghdad


25 Apr 2004 by Andrew Noakes

The White House has revealed plans to build a statue of President Bush to replace the ruined monument of Saddam Hussein that once stood high in Firdos Square, central Baghdad. According to an anonymous source, when the President heard that a new monument had already been erected he insisted on removing it and replacing it with the glorious image of him holding an M16 assault rifle and standing on top of the former Iraqi dictator.

The final piece was altered slightly from original drafts after officials told Mr Bush they thought it would be inappropriate to convey the President also standing on top of the leaders of Iran, Saudi Arabia, Libya and France. However, more than one statue has been made and there is intense speculation about where the others will be placed. Some early rumours indicate plans to put one up in Trafalgar Square.

Despite a spokesman's justification that the statue would "look really great" and is therefore worth building, there has been public criticism in the United States. President Bush responded to this by immediately ordering an opinion poll using a new electronic voting system, which concluded that 100% of Americans think a statue of the President in Baghdad is 'not just a good, but a fantastic idea'. This foolproof method of voting will also be used for the presidential election later this year.

This latest move comes amidst plans to produce a new documentary providing an insight into the life of "America's greatest serving President". The documentary - rumoured to have been commissioned in response to the famous Bin Laden tapes - will be available in DVD and video form and will be called 'Looking to the future – the Bush way'.

When asked by one reporter whether these recent plans were all just cheap propaganda the President was unable to answer but instead joked about sending journalists who ask "unhelpful" questions to Guantanamo Bay "to join the rest of them". Calls to the journalist in question have so far gone unanswered.

In related news, British journalist Andrew Gilligan has also disappeared in recent weeks. A Home Office source told DeadBrain that he too is being punished with the British equivalent of Guantanamo Bay, but that his electronic tag has been giving him trouble since he accidentally got it wet.

Tell you what do. Let's send the Prince of Ketchup over there as George the Dumber's viceroy. The prince can then have a statue of himself erected, showing him wearing his medals, with his foot upon a figure having rather oriental facial features.

At least JFK would have the advantage of knowing how to hold an M-16. . .for the pose.

Bush would be holding it like a beer can!

And his esteemed brother, Teddy, would know how to hold a cocktail glass and a snorkle, right?

Actually, JFK would not know how to hold an M-16. The standard infantry weapon in his day was the M-1. But I have heard that he was an expert cocksman, so I guess there was one rifle he could be shown holding

The Prince of Ketchup's middle initial is F, as in, Forbes, which means... he's the new JFK! For better or for worse.

Durn, did I say cocksman? I meant coxwain.

I think you meant cuckold, dear sir. :wave: