What in the wide world of sports is a going on around here?!? I leave this galdang place to you people for 6 months to get a little UC football track laid heading into spring ball - not to jump around like a bunch of triple pop collars worrying about whether the scarlet and gray wearing bully on the playground is going to take your half-cafe grande skinny vanilla latte money. This place is a strange mix of finger crossing and folks resigned to the Ike v Tina celebrity beat down. Naw, suh.
Punch the friggin' fat kid in the neck, fishhook him, take his money and give em' a swift kick in the ass to send him on his way with tail between legs. I'm talking put a crater in their fan base's collective memory that will be passed down among generations.
The heck with sportsmanship. Screw em all...screw their president who insults nuns and who dresses like he needs to register with the sheriff every time he moves. Screw their crooked bracket fixing violation burying AD. Screw their nut necklace wearing creepy weepy guy getting a cheap squeeze on male co-eds at the end of games loving fan base. Screw their doosh score running' up coach who I refuse to claim as one of our own. And screw all the other bs accoutrements that go along with a state government that gives every advantage while they live off the legacy of generations ago accepting all of the benefits and perks of a conference and program that way out kicks the punt coverage.
We have given better versions of the suckeyes all they can handle while fielding teams that could not hold the proverbial straps le jacque of this UC roster.
And after watching these 1st two weeks in person and then on replay (twice...egads) we either have a serious doofus running the D or we didn't show em' shite to game plan. I choose the latter, thank you very much.
If it is a close game in the middle of the second quarter, Urbie's sphincter will be so verklempt about dealing with the nut bags on AM radio, and on campus, and in church for losing to an in-state squad for the first time since the Spanish American War that he will be checking with his agent between snaps to see if Will Muschamp got canned yet.
Fellas, survival kit contents check:
In them you'll find: one 6 pack top shelf double IPA; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing tattoo antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination St. Woody Hayes medallion and Buckeye quote compendium; a hundred dollars in Odd Lots gift certificates for local bartering; nine packs of Misty Lite 100s and a case of warm Yoo-Hoo to keep the natives satiated; scratch off lottery tickets, ten; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; and three pair of nylon stockings for heartbroken gals in way too tight Braxton Miller a Jerseys. Hey, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in C-Bus with all that stuff despite their fans.
Well, why not this Saturday?
Let's kick some ass and then be awful sports about it.