"Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. "Legitimate rape." Sheesh!

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Afghanistan, and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  "Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. "Legitimate rape." Sheesh!

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be pro choice and anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Afghanistan, and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

So we get to keep good football and most of the oil refineries and oil rigs.. Good luck keeping gas in your cars.

Any of you have a Dear Blue State to counter?


I hope you guy's can take a joke. I thought this was funny. I'll gladly read a retort. I know plenty of you have them.

(11-09-2012 10:18 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  Any of you have a Dear Blue State to counter?


I hope you guy's can take a joke. I thought this was funny. I'll gladly read a retort. I know plenty of you have them.

It's clearly written by someone that's a pompous ass that thinks just because you have Ivy League schools that means you're automatically a smarter nation

(11-09-2012 10:20 AM)gdunn Wrote:  

(11-09-2012 10:18 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  Any of you have a Dear Blue State to counter?


I hope you guy's can take a joke. I thought this was funny. I'll gladly read a retort. I know plenty of you have them.

It's clearly written by someone that's a pompous ass that thinks just because you have Ivy League schools that means you're automatically a smarter nation

They forgot the cold, they can keep the cold.

I agree on the pompous part and it was obviously written before the election.

BECAUSE I WOULD ADD:

We get both Disneyworlds and you get Branson Mo. LOL!

I hope you guy's take this tongue in cheek. Everytime I hear one of you yahoots talk about seceeding this is coming out. YOU DON"T WANT TO DO IT!

I realize this person is partially being funny but I would like to retort to a couple of them

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

hmmmmm We also got Duke which I would argue as being just as good or better than Harvard but maybe I am biased because where I live.

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

I could be wrong but does Opryland even exist anymore? I thought it was shut down a few years ago. I know the OpryLand hotel is still around but if he's talking about the theme park it's gone.

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We also got the 2nd largest IBM operation in the world, Glaxo Smith Kline, SAS, Red Hat, CREE. That is just a few.....just look up Research Triangle Park in Durham, NC and you'll find a lot more.

That research triangle is all blue buddy. That part will want to secede from you too. We will let them in.

It's 52°F currently where I sit.

Insert Branson Mo. for Opryland,

You could also go with the creationist museum in Kentucky too. That's something.

Our women are prettier.

Pretty much game/set/match, no?

(11-09-2012 10:32 AM)Bucster Wrote:  I realize this person is partially being funny but I would like to retort to a couple of them

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

hmmmmm We also got Duke which I would argue as being just as good or better than Harvard but maybe I am biased because where I live.

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

I could be wrong but does Opryland even exist anymore? I thought it was shut down a few years ago. I know the OpryLand hotel is still around but if he's talking about the theme park it's gone.

(11-09-2012 10:14 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We also got the 2nd largest IBM operation in the world, Glaxo Smith Kline, SAS, Red Hat, CREE. That is just a few.....just look up Research Triangle Park in Durham, NC and you'll find a lot more.

and....we keep a crap load of military hardware at our disposal...snap

(11-09-2012 10:23 AM)VA49er Wrote:  

(11-09-2012 10:20 AM)gdunn Wrote:  

(11-09-2012 10:18 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  Any of you have a Dear Blue State to counter?


I hope you guy's can take a joke. I thought this was funny. I'll gladly read a retort. I know plenty of you have them.

It's clearly written by someone that's a pompous ass that thinks just because you have Ivy League schools that means you're automatically a smarter nation

They forgot the cold, they can keep the cold.

I hope they like polyester.. Cotton is king in the south.

They get wine.. But we keep all the good bourbon and Tennessee Whiskey.

They get Harvard, Yale, Princeton.. We get Alabama's business program (it's up there with those three). We get to keep Rice and Tulane. Along with Georgia Tech, Duke, and Wake Forest.

We keep the best football teams. We keep most of the best basketball teams (college hoops).

We get Mardi Gras.

We inherit the wars apparently, but we also inherit Ft. Benning and Ft. Bragg. Benning is home to the Rangers and Bragg is home to the 82nd Airborne, Special Forces, and Delta Force.

We also get Ft. Knox.

Mach you don't get to pick and choose.. Besides if it's in the Red State it belongs to the Red State.. Sorry..

Ya'll gonna look like the 70s before it's all said and done.. Wearing polyester shirts.. Looking for gas. Enjoy your whine and cheese.

(11-09-2012 10:34 AM)Machiavelli Wrote:  That research triangle is all blue buddy. That part will want to secede from you too. We will let them in.

Good point. You can say the same for Duke I guess. I was thinking more the whole state than the counties there.

(11-09-2012 10:39 AM)gdunn Wrote:  We inherit the wars apparently, but we also inherit Ft. Benning and Ft. Bragg. Benning is home to the Rangers and Bragg is home to the 82nd Airborne, Special Forces, and Delta Force.

We also get Ft. Knox.

Then to be fair, the blue states get the SEALS and military academies

GDUNN,

I HOPE THERE IS STILL SOMETHING LEFT IN FORT KNOX buddy. I have seen some specials and I have my doubts!!!!

I don't care who you are, this is funny:

Ya'll gonna look like the 70s before it's all said and done.. Wearing polyester shirts.. Looking for gas.


and the pretty women................. GAME SET and MATCH.

True Dat'

Ya all can stay.

"We get Elizabeth Warren"

Is that supposed to be a selling point?