(01-29-2021 06:56 PM)mrbig Wrote: (01-29-2021 03:52 PM)Hambone10 Wrote: (01-29-2021 03:25 PM)mrbig Wrote: Ham - what that "other woman" did to your daughter was not "be a slut". There are more accurate phrases like "gold digger" or "slept her way to the top". Here are some actual definitions, none of which describe what happened to your daughter with this other woman:
Merriam-Webster - disparaging + offensive : a promiscuous person : someone who has many sexual partners —usually used of a woman
Cambridge Dictionary - a woman who has sexual relationships with a lot of men without any emotional involvement
dictionary.com - Disparaging and Offensive. a person, especially a woman, who is sexually promiscuous.
vocabulary.com - A slut is a vulgar insult hurled at woman and it implies that she sleeps around or has sex with too many people. It is not cool to call any woman a slut.
Rather than thinking it is OK because your daughter is OK with it, maybe expand the portfolio of voices you consider? This article in Teen Vogue is pretty elucidating.
Also, if you have any links to definitions that suggest it is not an offensive term, I'll read them. Might as well expand my own knowledge and views.
Why did you do this?
1) I've said a dozen times including here that its offensive... so why do you imply that I didn't?
You say the word is offensive to the woman it is directed at, rather than all women. You also say that it applies to the woman who got a job instead of your daughter, and what she did does not meet these descriptions. That is why I copy-pasted these definitions. And for everyone else.
A) Your response above doesn't address your request of me to provide you with a definition claiming it isn't offensive. That's what you asked... and I never once said it wasn't offensive.
B) Not one of your definitions says that even though the term may be levied against one woman, that ALL women are offended by its use... which is what you're now talking about. I guess we'll just ignore the thousands of time every day that women use the term against women or anyone uses it against men... and go with the Teen Vogue article as opposed to reality. It may be ugly reality and as vocabulary.com says, 'not cool'.... but its still reality.
C) My point was that it was INTENDED to offend the recipient of the word... My daughter meant for it to offend... Numbers means for it to offend... Other than those times its used as a joke, I can't imagine that ANYONE who uses that word (or any of dozens of other words) DON'T intend to offend the person the word is directed towards. If someone else chooses to be offended by it, that's their choice. I taught my daughter not to internalize stereotypes... and I also follow the line from whatever movie that was where the guy says 'he called my mom a whore' and the question was, 'Is she?' If she's not, then how does it say anything about ANYONE except the speaker? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me... And Elanor Roosevelt... Nobody can make you feel inferior without your acquiescence. Teen vogue is entitled to their opinion... In my family we prefer not to give words uttered by detractors that much power.
D) Kindly show me a word that describes a woman who strategically engages in a sex for power exchange thereby enabling a misogynist to the detriment of other women. Until you show me that word with the definition like that in those same sources as you present above, you're admitting that such a word doesn't exist.
Quote:I wasn't trying to say anything specific about your daughter or my wife or your parenting. Sorry if my inartful posts made it come off that way!
I know you didn't and I'll apologize back if that sounds like what I was responding to.
What I meant was that whether or not my daughter used it has no bearing on whether or not I think its okay. I never ONCE said it was okay. I simply tried to imply that when people feel deeply hurt and offended or angry or any of a number of other emotions, 'proper etiquette' often goes out the window... at least momentarily.
Quote:I am just trying to move to more objective sources rather than comparing your daughter's opinion vs. my wife's opinion vs. the opinions of a bunch of dudes on a message board.
But you're still replying to something I never said.... and I brought up my daughter solely to point out that despite your opinion on the definition of the word, that a woman... who according to you would be especially offended by the word, found it LINGUISITICALLY appropriate to describe the person.
You seem to want to engage in an argument about values and whether that's a word that should be used... and I've said a dozen times now that its an ugly word that shouldn't be used... but the REALITY is that sometimes such vulgar words are the only way to express the anger one feels. My daughter was that angry.
And then we go to definitions, and as I have also said numerous times... The word doesn't fit, but no other word does either.... and apparently a decent number of people find it to be 'close enough'.
(01-29-2021 03:52 PM)Hambone10 Wrote: My daughter and I think so and I have no idea what you think because you keep trying to imply things I've never remotely said.... though I haven't seen you present a better word that doesn't violate the same rules you have here.
"Gold digger" or "slept her way to the top" are both more accurate and less offensive. As I previously wrote...
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Yet when you pull the definition of Gold Digger, NOWHERE does it present someone who enables a misogynist thereby putting a ceiling on women who don't.... or someone who exchanged power for someone in a position of power.... in no small part but because of the use of the term 'gold'.... and 'slept her way to the top' I don't think is in the dictionary.
Oh man... I'm so incensed at that person for what she did. She slept her way to the top!! Yeah, that really captures the anger and offense... and the momentary sense of 'I guess this is the only way women can succeed' that my daughter (and millions of others) experience(d). She's a 'sleeper to the top' person!!
I wonder what Teen Vogue thinks about women who enable misogynists? I suspect they tell them NOT to.... and that its bad and offensive to other women.... just as they did in your article... and I doubt they'd say that it was 'okay' to call a woman a gold-digger or that they 'slept their way to the top' based on the way they dress. I suspect they would STILL say that it was offensive.
So again... what I'm saying is that the word, even though not exactly on point... can capture the essence of the act along with the anger or pain that can be felt. If your daughter comes home one day and says that some girl stole her boyfriend by sleeping with him when she wouldn't... and if she calls her a slut... I'm 100% sure you would acknowledge the anger and hurt she feels and discourage her from using the word... but I suspect you won't pull out your dictionary and tell her that 'person with a lower moral code' is a more accurate term to use.
As to whether it offends every woman? I suspect it offends some and not others... UNLESS they are the targets of it... In which case I suspect it offends more, but still not all.... like rapist or pedophile or sexual predator. Why do we think women internalize 'slut' directed at someone else any more than men internalize 'rapist'? Other than perhaps some centuries old sense that women aren't as strong as men are?