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+----- Thread: Grizzlies Playoff Chances (/thread-776701.html)
Grizzlies Playoff Chances - mkb627 - 04-06-2016 11:53 AM
Hey,
I was wondering if you guys would quickly read this article that I posted (yesterday) on the Memphis Grizzlies. I'm only 16 and I would like some feedback on my writing or on your opinions of the Grizzlies final stretch to make the playoffs.
Here is the link to the short article: http://mkb627.sportsblog.com/posts/15384250/grizzlies-chances-of-making-playoffs.html
RE: Grizzlies Playoff Chances - flyingswoosh - 04-06-2016 12:22 PM
Pretty good for a 16 year old. A few notes:
-Typo in the first paragraph, 3rd line: should be something like "They are now struggling to hold on to the five seed after having had a comfortable lead over the sixth seeded Blazers barely more than a week ago."
-Typo in the second paragraph, first line: missing the word "are" between 'that' and 'already'
-Also in the 2nd paragraph, on the 4th line when you're talking about the Mavs, I think it should be something like: "trying to pass Memphis to get into the fifth or six seed and are also trying to separate themselves from the 8th and 9th seeded Jazz and Rockets, respectively."
-Next line: I think there should be a comma after Golden State Warriors
-I'd change the 3rd line from the bottom of the 2nd paragraph to: They then travel to Los Angeles to play the team they're currently lined up to face in the postseason, the Los Angeles Clippers.
-I'd change the 2nd to last sentence of the paragraph to: And their final game of the season will be in Oakland against the Warriors.
-Typo in the first sentence of paragraph 3: "Reports came out late Monday that star PG Mike Conley, who HAVE been out for the past three to four weeks..." Change the word Have to Had
-2nd to last line of paragraph 3 reads: "Conley averaged 15.3 points and 6.1 assists this season, making him one of the best of the team." I don't think you need this sentence. I think you can merge it into the first sentence to become something like: "Reports came out late Monday that star PG Mike Conley, who was averaging 15 points and 6 assists and had been out for the past four weeks, is unlikely to return to the Grizzlies lineup by the end of the season."
-In the first line of the final paragraph you say the Grizzlies are not reliant on such and such players to carry the team to the playoffs. But I think you mean they are reliant. Who else are they relying on?
-Lastly, I think you should think about either breaking up the 2nd paragraph, or using some bullet points. It's just too long of a paragraph for the average reader.
Overall I liked it, just think it needs those edits to tighten it up a bit. Good job though
RE: Grizzlies Playoff Chances - flyingswoosh - 04-06-2016 12:22 PM
As an OKC fan I can say that we're dying to the play the Grizzlies in the 1st round. With all their injuries it should be an easy sweep
RE: Grizzlies Playoff Chances - mkb627 - 04-06-2016 01:57 PM
(04-06-2016 12:22 PM)flyingswoosh Wrote: Pretty good for a 16 year old. A few notes:
-Typo in the first paragraph, 3rd line: should be something like "They are now struggling to hold on to the five seed after having had a comfortable lead over the sixth seeded Blazers barely more than a week ago."
-Typo in the second paragraph, first line: missing the word "are" between 'that' and 'already'
-Also in the 2nd paragraph, on the 4th line when you're talking about the Mavs, I think it should be something like: "trying to pass Memphis to get into the fifth or six seed and are also trying to separate themselves from the 8th and 9th seeded Jazz and Rockets, respectively."
-Next line: I think there should be a comma after Golden State Warriors
-I'd change the 3rd line from the bottom of the 2nd paragraph to: They then travel to Los Angeles to play the team they're currently lined up to face in the postseason, the Los Angeles Clippers.
-I'd change the 2nd to last sentence of the paragraph to: And their final game of the season will be in Oakland against the Warriors.
-Typo in the first sentence of paragraph 3: "Reports came out late Monday that star PG Mike Conley, who HAVE been out for the past three to four weeks..." Change the word Have to Had
-2nd to last line of paragraph 3 reads: "Conley averaged 15.3 points and 6.1 assists this season, making him one of the best of the team." I don't think you need this sentence. I think you can merge it into the first sentence to become something like: "Reports came out late Monday that star PG Mike Conley, who was averaging 15 points and 6 assists and had been out for the past four weeks, is unlikely to return to the Grizzlies lineup by the end of the season."
-In the first line of the final paragraph you say the Grizzlies are not reliant on such and such players to carry the team to the playoffs. But I think you mean they are reliant. Who else are they relying on?
-Lastly, I think you should think about either breaking up the 2nd paragraph, or using some bullet points. It's just too long of a paragraph for the average reader.
Overall I liked it, just think it needs those edits to tighten it up a bit. Good job though
Thank you! I will make those changes.