On to New Orleans!
My brothers, my sisters,
Note: My old friend Ice Cold Blazer asked me to rant about the New Orleans Bowl. Like him, I am incredibly excited by the news. Unlike him, as he is a moral and abstemious person, I will take full advantage of the hedonistic delights offered by our host city. So should you.
Every so often, the righteous are rewarded. A Doughnut Boy finds a beignet.
We get to go to New Orleans. We deserve this.
We fought for this. We brought UAB football back from oblivion. We did this: not the Trustees, not some coterie of spoiled rich guys, and certainly not UAB’s incompetent buffoon of a president.
And now we are rewarded. We deserve this.
It’s a drive of five hours and two minutes. You could handle that as a day trip, if you just really wanted to drive through the night. Or you could go to the internets, as I have done, to score a four-star hotel room within walking distance of the Quarter and the Superdome, two nights for under $300 total with all taxes, fees and surcharges included. It is a lovely hotel, a veritable **** palace of a hotel.
I plan to spend three days in New Orleans. Three days of food and sex and alcohol and oh yeah, a football game, too. It’s perfectly timed just before Christmas. It’s on a Saturday, so it’s just one day off work. Food. Sex. Alcohol. What else is there? We deserve these things.
So we have to play some school of chainsaw repair and cosmetology who had a good season in that crappy conference Troy plays in and beat OoooLala twice. So what? I am having champagne brunch at the Court of Two Sisters.
So UAB lost a football game. We’ve lost football games before and probably will lose them again. We lost a football program and we brought it back. We did that. We deserve to enjoy that, to see our band play and our busty majorettes prance and our team run onto the field.
Hell, Florida Atlantic won the football game and they get to . . . stay home.
Yes, yesterday our team played like they were the ones who’d just been told their coach and staff were leaving. I halfway expected to hear that after the game, given the way UAB played. I can’t imagine Bill Clark doing that twice in a row. And if he does? There will food, sex and alcohol in such quality and quantity that I can’t be driven to care.
We are going to New Orleans. We are going to have food, sex and alcohol and see a football game. You need to be there. We deserve this.
This is going to be a memory-making experience to rival the Sack of Troy and the Storming of the Stands. Don't live it through social media. Be there.
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On to New Orleans!
