As bowl season approaches, these 29 things make us wonder
OPINION
By Tom Dienhart
Updated: 1:22 p.m. ET Dec 13, 2006

Questions. They bombard my brain as the bowl season approaches. Here are the 29 queries that torture my mind as the World Clock ticks closer to the kickoff of the Poinsettia Bowl between TCU and Northern Illinois, the first of a holiday season overstuffed with 32 bowls. Thirty-two! That means 64 of 119 I-A teams are in a bowl, which works out to 54 percent of the teams. Sorta takes the luster out of getting any of those neato Sun Bowl trinkets, doesn't it? Sure it does!

1. What's the weather like in Shreveport, La., in late December? Guess Alabama fans will find out. Lucky Alabama fans.

2. Why is Notre Dame in a BCS game? Please, someone, anyone, tell me who the Irish have beaten to justify such a lofty payday? It's downright shameful.

3. Are Emerald Bowl T-shirts flying off the shelves of Florida State bookstores?

4. Do ya think lame-duck Arizona State coach Dirk Koetter is gonna run a few trick plays vs. Hawaii in the Hawaii Bowl?

5. What's the best coaching matchup of the bowl season? Oh, that's easy. It's Wake Forest's Jim Grobe vs. Louisville's Bobby Petrino in the Orange Bowl.

6. Do any Miami players even know where Boise, Idaho, is? And you thought it was a long way from Earth to Mars. Silly you.

7. Does that Music City Bowl matchup that pits Clemson and Kentucky have you humming "Taps," too?

8. Can you feel the excitement of the Maryland-Purdue Champ Sports Bowl? I SAID: Can you feel the excitement of the Maryland-Purdue Champ Sports Bowl? Ah, forget it.

9. Is Iowa the most unworthy bowl team? Oh, there's no doubt about it. This team went 2-6 in the Big Ten, people.

10. Is anyone else miffed about Boston College getting screwed in the bowl process every year?


11. What's the over-under on combined passes thrown in the Wisconsin-Arkansas Capital One Bowl? I'm gonna say it's 30. Maybe 25.

12. Now that we have Rice playing Troy in the New Orleans Bowl, can we officially decry that there are too many bowls? Please, tell me this is rock bottom.

13. What quarterback battle am I anticipating? Well, LSU's JaMarcus Russell vs. Notre Dame's Brady Quinn in the Sugar Bowl should be a beaut.

14. What quarterback battle do I plan to miss? Hmmm. Well, Rutgers' Mike Teel vs. Kansas State's Josh Freeman in the Texas Bowl is a guaranteed clunker.

15. Is the GMAC Bowl between Southern Miss-Ohio on Jan. 7 supposed to be an appetizer for the BCS national title game the next night? Sorta like a saltine cracker on a paper napkin.

16. If no one shows up for the International Bowl in Toronto between Cincinnati and Western Michigan, will it really have happened? Think about it. Interesting, isn't it?

17. What figures to be the most exciting non-BCS game? That's easy. It's the Las Vegas Bowl, which pits Oregon and BYU. The points should be flying.

18. What would draw higher TV ratings? The New Mexico Bowl between New Mexico and San Jose State, or the 4 a.m. test pattern on channel 84? Don't answer too fast.

19. Am I the only guy who misses the Poulan Weedeater sponsorship of the Independence Bowl? Making fun of meaningless bowls just hasn't been the same.

20. Who else is gonna sit around the fireplace and regale the kiddies with stories of past Liberty Bowls this holiday season? Think I'll smoke my pipe this year.


21. Can anyone name the head coaches of Central Michigan and Middle Tennessee, who meet in the Motor City Bowl? You can? Well, good for you

29? What, he couldn't come up with one for each bowl game? Wanker! ;-)

At least he didn't insult WVU. He didn't mention them at all.

Quote:10. Is anyone else miffed about Boston College getting screwed in the bowl process every year?

None, not at all. I was told many times as a child to be careful what you wish for you might get it. Fredos get what they deserve.

Quote:28. What does Oklahoma have to gain by playing Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl? Abso-freaking-lutley nothing. Poor Sooners. Or, is it: Poor Broncos?

A Fiesta Bowl trophy looks really good in a trophy case no matter who the opponent is.

Most of those are just mean-spirited slams. Good way to get hate mail when you trash about 30 or so schools.

Stupid Author Wrote:20. Who else is gonna sit around the fireplace and regale the kiddies with stories of past Liberty Bowls this holiday season? Think I'll smoke my pipe this year.

That last sentence sheds some light on his state of mind while writing this stupid article. He appears to smoke a crack pipe.