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(Stolen Borrowed from the Left in Alabama blog, but there's enough funny in it for everyone.)

Quote:Alabama is facing a natural disaster that jeopardizes the livelihood of the state, threatening to tear the very fabric of the heart of Dixie. But the governor’s election isn’t for a few more months, so it might be good to talk about the oil spill in the Gulf instead.

There is a giant blob of oil floating in the Gulf of Mexico south of Mobile. It was created, I think, when the entire cast of Jersey Shore went swimming in the Gulf. In any case, it’s interfering with the fishing boats, and if there’s one thing that will get under the skin of an Alabamian, it’s messing with our shrimp.

The politicians in D.C. are wringing their hands about the whole situation and doing what politicians do, which is fly around in helicopters and print lots and lots of money to throw down at the muddy people.

The Obama Administration has pledged to do more than just print money. They are determined to fix the mess. One of the methods, and I am not making this up, is using human hair stuffed inside pantyhose to mop up the surface of the water. To recap, there is a Democrat in the White House.

Say what you will about the man, but Bush wouldn’t have stood for this kind of mincing goofiness. He would have dropped a nuclear bomb in the ocean and literally boiled the oily water into the atmosphere. Then he would have swung around and invaded Cuba or something.

Alabama politicians are deeply divided about how to address the oil spill. The candidates for governor are weighing in with different solutions: Ron Sparks thinks we should be able to gamble on the oil spill. Artur Davis is speaking very softly, and no one really understands what he’s saying.

Roy Moore proposes lining the beaches of Gulf Shores with Ten Commandments monuments, in hopes of deflecting the oil eastward towards Florida. Tim James wants us to know that he is a businessman. Then he wants to know if the oil speaks English. It makes sense to him. Robert Bentley is a doctor. He wants us to know that Bradley Byrne is pro-oil spill. Bradley Byrne, meanwhile, wants us to know that he is conservative. Dr. Bentley says that he won’t take a salary until the oil is cleaned up. Tim James thinks the oil was caused by sex offenders. Bradley Byrne is now anti-oil spill, but still very, very conservative.

Bill Johnson wants us to know that Bob Riley caused the oil spill. For his part, Governor Riley is very concerned about the spill, but only because he thought he saw a bingo machine floating in the water.

The solution, of course, is Nick Saban. He will be airlifted by the Alabama National Guard to the Gulf and suspended directly over the oil slick, which he will then fix using The Process, whatever that is. The NCAA will then step in and add another bowl game, the BP Oil Bowl, to be played on an abandoned oil rig somewhere out at sea. Tennessee and Georgia will probably get bids to play in that one, because who really wants to go see them play anyway.

haha, I love it