UAB Blazers

Hello There, Guest! (LoginRegister)

Post Reply 
Joke thread
Author Message
blazerwkr Offline
Heisman
*

Posts: 7,037
Joined: Nov 2007
Reputation: 45
I Root For: UAB
Location: Island of Misfits

BlazerTalk Award
Post: #241
RE: Joke thread
03-lmfao

Rimshot
05-15-2015 03:58 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
UAB Band Dad Offline
Occasionally Reasonable
*

Posts: 24,407
Joined: Dec 2004
Reputation: 277
I Root For: A Free UAB!
Location:

BlazerTalk AwardBlazerTalk AwardBlazerTalk Award
Post: #242
RE: Joke thread
[Image: SofaKing_zpsknt1erav.jpg]
05-16-2015 09:04 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
USAFBlazerFan Offline
Bleeding Green & Gold since '93
*

Posts: 9,552
Joined: Jan 2006
Reputation: 76
I Root For: UAB BLAZERS!!!
Location: Bellbrook, OH
Post: #243
RE: Joke thread
(04-22-2014 12:23 PM)BAMANBLAZERFAN Wrote:  A very wealthy 70 year old friend arrived at a party with a 20 something beautiful girl adoringly hanging on his arm. I asked how he got such a beauty to date him. He replied that she is his wife, not a date. I asked him how he got such a woman to marry him and he replied that he had lied to her about his age. "You told her you are 50?" He replied, "I told her I am 90".

Hahaha!
06-10-2015 07:00 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
UAB Band Dad Offline
Occasionally Reasonable
*

Posts: 24,407
Joined: Dec 2004
Reputation: 277
I Root For: A Free UAB!
Location:

BlazerTalk AwardBlazerTalk AwardBlazerTalk Award
Post: #244
RE: Joke thread
Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
08-19-2015 10:29 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
blazerwkr Offline
Heisman
*

Posts: 7,037
Joined: Nov 2007
Reputation: 45
I Root For: UAB
Location: Island of Misfits

BlazerTalk Award
Post: #245
RE: Joke thread
Let's face it, the closest many of us will get to an African safari is seeing a camel toe on leopard skin print leotards on a heavy set woman at Walmart
09-24-2015 07:31 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
BlazerPhil Offline
Administrator of Comedy
*

Posts: 15,853
Joined: Jul 2004
Reputation: 86
I Root For: Birmingham U.
Location:

Folding@NCAAbbs
Post: #246
RE: Joke thread
Do you know the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?

One is very heavy. The other is a little lighter.
09-24-2015 10:27 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
BAMANBLAZERFAN Offline
Hall of Famer
*

Posts: 17,221
Joined: Oct 2005
Reputation: 57
I Root For: UAB & Bama
Location: Cropwell, AL

BlazerTalk Award
Post: #247
RE: Joke thread
(09-24-2015 10:27 PM)BlazerPhil Wrote:  Do you know the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?

One is very heavy. The other is a little lighter.

That's the same type of humor as
Do you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $3.99 a can and deer nuts are under a buck.
09-25-2015 12:09 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
BlazerFromMD Offline
Hall of Famer
*

Posts: 12,380
Joined: Oct 2005
Reputation: 108
I Root For: UAB, USNA
Location: Maryland
Post: #248
RE: Joke thread
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to
the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy alot of
bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when
there's too little left to be of any use?"

“Good question” noted the CFO. "We save them up and send
them back to the bandage company and every once in a while,
they send us a free roll."

“Oh”, replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his
unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went,
in his arrogant and obnoxious way. "What do you do with
what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

“Ah, yes”, replied the CFO, realizing that the auditor was
trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.
"We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and
every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."


“I see”, replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he
could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well, he went on, "What do
you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the CFO. "What we do is
save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and
about once a year they send us a complete prick."
03-14-2018 01:31 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
BlazerFromMD Offline
Hall of Famer
*

Posts: 12,380
Joined: Oct 2005
Reputation: 108
I Root For: UAB, USNA
Location: Maryland
Post: #249
RE: Joke thread
Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked. The headaches are all gone."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Damn! That was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
06-25-2019 10:35 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
BlazerFromMD Offline
Hall of Famer
*

Posts: 12,380
Joined: Oct 2005
Reputation: 108
I Root For: UAB, USNA
Location: Maryland
Post: #250
RE: Joke thread
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double-barreled shotgun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a-gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house, he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
04-23-2020 07:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 




User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)


Copyright © 2002-2024 Collegiate Sports Nation Bulletin Board System (CSNbbs), All Rights Reserved.
CSNbbs is an independent fan site and is in no way affiliated to the NCAA or any of the schools and conferences it represents.
This site monetizes links. FTC Disclosure.
We allow third-party companies to serve ads and/or collect certain anonymous information when you visit our web site. These companies may use non-personally identifiable information (e.g., click stream information, browser type, time and date, subject of advertisements clicked or scrolled over) during your visits to this and other Web sites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services likely to be of greater interest to you. These companies typically use a cookie or third party web beacon to collect this information. To learn more about this behavioral advertising practice or to opt-out of this type of advertising, you can visit http://www.networkadvertising.org.
Powered By MyBB, © 2002-2024 MyBB Group.