I humbly submit my name for the position of Men's Basketball Head Coach for the University of Memphis.

I understand the basketball program is not doing well these days and I am offering my assistance to "right the ship"

As head basketball coach I will be more than happy with a $250,000 a year salary with $125,000 bonus per round of post season play and a salary package for assistants as big as anywhere else in the country.

I will hire the best 3 former Tiger basketball players as assistants that will accept the challenges of the position. High on my list are Anfernee Hardaway. Antonio Anderson, Will Coleman, Andre Turner, Jon Albright, Tim Duncan, Tony Madlock as well as several more potential great candidates.

We will create a network of 3rd parties to do the dirty work to insure the best talent from the Mid-South will play for the Tigers every year. I will follow Coach Calipari's, Self's and Krzyzewski's methods to insure we can "cheat" all we want, without "cheating"

We will not waste the schools recruiting budget running around the country and world. We will only recruit players within a 500 mile radius of Central and Highland, and they'll have to be really good for us to leave the greater Memphis area.

We will create an offense based on defense and fast break opportunities. We will install Richardson's 40 minutes of hell as soon as the talent is available. We will be the toughest, scrappiest group of players this city has ever seen. 3 pointers, lay ups and dunks are our goal, only taking a mid range jump shot if there is less than 5 seconds left on the clock.

And we will do one thing no one else has ever done, and that's bring home all the marbles.

If you're ready, I am. Please respond to this text for all to see.

Thank you.