for my son, who's a senior at Bentonville

First, I'm proud of him, as he is my only child. Second, I'm struggling because of where he wants to go and what it means financially.

He is down to two schools - University of Missouri and Miami OH. He has been accepted to and received merit aid from both schools. I want him to go to Mizzou. It's closer and a lot cheaper. He seems to have his mind set on Miami of OH in Oxford, OH. These are two good schools IMO. At Mizzou, he would graduate with zero debt. At Miami OH, he (me) would have to cover a ton of debt. I have saved dilligently for his education, but I can't make up everything.

This is an age old question that maybe some of you have been through or will go through at some point. Do I let him go to his choice (Miami OH) and figure out a way to pay for a large part, or do I make him go somewhere where he will graduate debt free? Help.

I'm not there yet with my kids but a friend of mine proposed a deal to his son. The college student can take on a student loan in his name but if at the end of his 4 years he maintains a certain GPA the parents will pay it off. If he doesn't maintain that GPA, then the student has to pay it off.

It gives the student some incentive to do well and stick to the studies and not screw around to much.

I've also heard of parents giving their child 2 years then pulling them depending on GPA and making them live back at home and attending U of M.

Just something to think about. Best of luck to you and your child.

that's a tough one. can't say which way you should go since it's so individualized. Me personally I would push Missouri. Graduating with 0 debt is a massive benefit. But I'm also of the belief that my kids will cover their own way when it comes time so that has it's own effect on my thinking.

The way I would look at it is if he was down to the 2, then he'd likely be happy at either. Even though he'd probably rather the other, the cost/debt benefit should outweigh that thinking. But this is also coming from post-education thinking and dealing with cost/benefit analysis and utilities, etc...

Debt free. When you have no debt, you can make so many more choices in life without worries.

Thanks -

HE will graduate with zero debt regardless.

You have probably done this already, but you have not it would be a good first step. Sit down with him. Show him the estimated costs of 4 years (tuition, room, food, entertainment, travel costs to and from home, etc.), and I would even go ahead and go out to 5 years. 5 years is very normal anymore and almost required for some degrees. Then show him what you can give financially as support over the course of those 5 years (what you have saved thus far). From explain to him that while you might be able to help some, that the rest of the expenses is his responsibility. If he is willing to take on the financial burden of Miami OH then that is where he should be.

Split the difference. If he does well at Mizzou for two years he gets to graduate from M of O.

(03-30-2014 07:45 PM)k2tigers Wrote:  for my son, who's a senior at Bentonville

First, I'm proud of him, as he is my only child. Second, I'm struggling because of where he wants to go and what it means financially.

He is down to two schools - University of Missouri and Miami OH. He has been accepted to and received merit aid from both schools. I want him to go to Mizzou. It's closer and a lot cheaper. He seems to have his mind set on Miami of OH in Oxford, OH. These are two good schools IMO. At Mizzou, he would graduate with zero debt. At Miami OH, he (me) would have to cover a ton of debt. I have saved dilligently for his education, but I can't make up everything.

This is an age old question that maybe some of you have been through or will go through at some point. Do I let him go to his choice (Miami OH) and figure out a way to pay for a large part, or do I make him go somewhere where he will graduate debt free? Help.

Probably have had a conversation much like I did with both of our children.
Prior to their high school graduation they were informed that their parents had saved for 17years and managed their educational funds.

Both were told the results and that under their parents guidance that money would be theirs for the primary purpose of their higher education.
I also told them that we would assist them but if any heavy debt was incurred they would be responsible.
In other words choose wisely.
To say the least both chose wisely as they didn't want a bunch of debt.
Both graduated debt free with little additional expense to us.
Of course scholarships helped them achieve all this along with the funds.

Life lesson on money management and choice.

I told my 3 kids that we would pay for a 4-year degree at a state university in Tennessee. I said that if they wanted to go to a more expensive school, they would have to pay the difference via loans or scholarships. Of course, we told them this years before, and did not wait out their last year in high school to spring it on them.

They all graduated from schools in the state: Memphis, UTK, and Tenn Tech.

I have a degree from Tenn Tech and have worked with people from Vanderbilt. I never figured how they could figure the economic payback. Their degree cost 4 to 6 times what mine did, and we have made similar salaries our entire careers. No way that they came out ahead.

How can they come out paying that much more for a degree? It makes no economic sense.

(03-30-2014 07:45 PM)k2tigers Wrote:  for my son, who's a senior at Bentonville

First, I'm proud of him, as he is my only child. Second, I'm struggling because of where he wants to go and what it means financially.

He is down to two schools - University of Missouri and Miami OH. He has been accepted to and received merit aid from both schools. I want him to go to Mizzou. It's closer and a lot cheaper. He seems to have his mind set on Miami of OH in Oxford, OH. These are two good schools IMO. At Mizzou, he would graduate with zero debt. At Miami OH, he (me) would have to cover a ton of debt. I have saved dilligently for his education, but I can't make up everything.

This is an age old question that maybe some of you have been through or will go through at some point. Do I let him go to his choice (Miami OH) and figure out a way to pay for a large part, or do I make him go somewhere where he will graduate debt free? Help.

Let him go to the school of his choice and he will wish that you had made him go somewhere where he will graduate debt free, someone do not understand debt/free at the moment, be a parent

If your son plans on getting an advanced degree, it really is of little use to pay out the wazzou for a bachelor's degree.

I know many people who went ot Rhodes, CBU and Memphis for undergrad, then went to Memphis or UTk for grad school. Funny thing is they will all be getting the same grad degree (and most jobs who hire from an advanced degree don't really care about your 4 year degree) at a cost of about $100,000 less.

Tell your son to save himself years and years of regret and take the option that will leave him with less debt. He definitely doesn't realize it now, but his ability to do some of the things he will no doubt want to do in the future (plan a wedding, buy a house) will be remarkably hindered by starting out his adult life thousands of dollars in the red.

I highly recommend the whole zero-student debt route....it's allowed me a great deal of flexibility after college.

I went the good will hunting route and just got a library card.

Landing a job now is more about networking than anything anyway, not the school's name on the degree. You may luck into a job with an alum, but that can happen anywhere. Debt-free is where it's at.

(03-30-2014 07:45 PM)k2tigers Wrote:  for my son, who's a senior at Bentonville

First, I'm proud of him, as he is my only child. Second, I'm struggling because of where he wants to go and what it means financially.

He is down to two schools - University of Missouri and Miami OH. He has been accepted to and received merit aid from both schools. I want him to go to Mizzou. It's closer and a lot cheaper. He seems to have his mind set on Miami of OH in Oxford, OH. These are two good schools IMO. At Mizzou, he would graduate with zero debt. At Miami OH, he (me) would have to cover a ton of debt. I have saved dilligently for his education, but I can't make up everything.

This is an age old question that maybe some of you have been through or will go through at some point. Do I let him go to his choice (Miami OH) and figure out a way to pay for a large part, or do I make him go somewhere where he will graduate debt free? Help.

First, congratulations on raising such a fine and intelligent young man.

I went through this process myself and again with our kids. I wanted to go to Arkansas, but I had a baseball scholarship to Arkansas State. Which wasn't too bad because they had (have) a great journalism school. So it was a loaded decision: Go to Arkansas no car. Go to ASU on the scholly and you can have a car.

For our boys, they both got scholarships for junior college baseball and then eventually transferred to Miss State, so we only had to pay for two years of their college. Sometimes I look back and don't know how we did it, other than to admit that my wife being a counselor knows all the tricks on grants/scholarships and other monies available for school. They each left with a small student loan that they repaid.

Our daughter wanted to go to Knoxville and I said hell no. You can go to Memphis, Ole Miss or ASU. She ended up one semester at Memphis, dropped out joined the Army and came back in four years and with the GI bill finished at Memphis in two and a half years, going year around.

It's a tough decision for parents when your kids dream big.

First, congratulations on raising such a fine and intelligent young man.

It's a tough decision for parents when your kids dream big.
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Thank you. And thank all who responded. If it's something that you will go through in the future, maybe it helps.

As someone said, it really is individualized. My son has decided to go to the Farmer School of Business at Miami, OH.

I prayed and prayed about it for him. So I will now support him. And let go of my wishes for Mizzou. You can't put a price tag on something like this, especially if that's where his heart is. If I forced him, he would alienate me, for who knows how long.

There will be repercussions like no car, no this or that, etc. But at the end of the day, telling him to go somewhere else would be like telling him who to marry. Can't do it here. It's a tough choice for any parent.

Financially, I will support him. That dad gum college is is priced like an Ivy League school. The onus will be on him to make the grades and then apply for grants as much as possible.

Thanks again peeps.

What a great thread with solid advice. Good luck to you and your son!

Tough choice. You have to go with your gut on this. If your son gets a good education, in the end that is the goal. One of my daughters went to UT, Which killed me. The oldest one wanted to go to Memphis or Kentucky. She ended up at Lambuth, as did another family member.

I understand wanting to go to your school of choice. Pros and cons to all of it. Just achieve.

For what it is worth, my son went to Alabama. I was strapped and could not afford a fraternity at the time (his roommate spent $7,000 in the first semester), and it became clear he did not want to go back for his sophomore year. He told me this around Thanksgiving. I suggested he consider tranferring to the U of M at the break. The Tiger basketball team was going to be pretty good and I had season tickets. He did. Not only that but he sat with me instead of in the student section with his buddies. That was 2008 when a Mr. Derrick Rose was a Tiger. My son sat with me 2 more seasons after that. I will always consider that stolen time with my son. Not many dads are so blessed. Plus, the lottery scholarship lowered his semester tuition to less than $1,000.