CSNbbs

My yard man ran his mower over my garden hose. I went and bought a hose repair kit for 98 cents. It consists of three pieces, a male fitting that goes into both sides of the hose and two clamps. The fitting was too tight so I grabbed my trusty jar of petroleum jelly rubbed it on the fittings and my repair went smoothly.

I also use it when I put a light bulb in an outdoor socket. Put the jelly on the threads and it is easier to screw in the light bulb and screw it out. That reminds me of a riddle... How is a light bulb not like a woman? Yes, you can unscrew the light bulb.

Nevertheless, after the hose repair, I wondered what other uses we can come up with. Now remember this is a PG13 forum and I can delete this thread if it turns raunchy. So keep it post-able, make it funny, and use pictures where available.

I was really, really scared to open this thread.....

(08-30-2009 10:20 AM)kpigout Wrote: [ -> ]I was really, really scared to open this thread.....

I had the same feeling as well for this thread as well. I was wondering which direction could it go. You can use to fix a squeaky door and to shine shoes, among other uses. Put a thin coat of petroleum jelly on your shoes or on your purses for the ladies, it will keep them looking good and repel water and road salt. Wipe off any excess petroleum jelly with a soff cloth. Quiet a squeaky door hinge with a coating of petroleum jelly on a hinge pin. The door will be quiet and you will not have to worry about messy drips. This comes from the following website: http://gomestic.com/homemaking/22-wonder...um-jelly/.

(08-30-2009 10:20 AM)kpigout Wrote: [ -> ]I was really, really scared to open this thread.....

Not me, I trusted Mphsfan implicitly. Of course, I was vastly disappointed.

But since we're talking lightbulbs, the same trick applies to inside fixtures, especially in bathrooms where there might be moisture to warp the sockets.

You can use it to relieve the area of the thighs that can become chafed, either that or buy some runners lube.
I can't believe I just did that...

i was expecting to read a story of someones kid that got into it or something lol

I'm cant wait to hear oldmangrizz's suggestions...............

Always works with "Sticky Drawers" for me. Makes it slide more freely of course.

Quote:14.Sticky Drawers:

Apply petroleum Jelly along the runner on a sticky drawer
to make it slide more freely.

.

Put it on a door knob to keep someone out.

Great for lubing the o-rings on fuel injectors.

Uses
During World War II, a variety of petroleum jelly called dark red veterinary petroleum jelly was often included in life raft survival kits. Acting as a sunscreen, it provides protection against ultraviolet rays. (See Sunscreen for more about Red Vet Pet sunblock.)
Most petroleum jelly today is consumed as an ingredient in skin lotions and cosmetics. Although petrolatum is less expensive than glycerol, the most common active lubricating ingredient in skin lotion, it is not used in expensive lotions, because it is not absorbed into the skin, resulting in a greasy feel.
Petrolatum is a useful material when incorporated into candle wax formulas. The petrolatum softens the overall blend, allows the candle to incorporate additional fragrance oil, and facilitates adhesion to the sidewall of glass.
Industrial grade petrolatum can be combined with other materials to make effective rust proofing compounds.
Petroleum jelly was formerly used as a way to pitch a spitball in baseball. Although the pitch was banned in 1920, pitchers sometimes throw "the spitter" surreptitiously.
Petroleum jelly is used to moisten plasticine, as part of a mix of hydrocarbons including greater (paraffin wax) and lesser (mineral oil) molecular weights.
Petroleum jelly is commonly used as a personal lubricant. (Not recommended for use with condoms due to its dissolving. See below.)
It can be used to lubricate the anus if the patient is suffering from conditions like hemorrhoids or anal fissures. The purpose of this is to allow the stool to pass through the rectum more easily and more freely in an effort to minimize any further damage to the tissue. It can also be used to lubricate the anus before taking rectal temperature.
It can be used as a softener for cuticles and lips.
Petroleum jelly can also be used to lubricate a Rubik's Cube, which allows much faster and smoother movement of the mechanism.
It is sometimes spread on the teeth of beauty pageant contestants in order to remind the contestants to smile.

Improper uses
As the substance became more common in households, it began to be used for a number of medical purposes, some of which medical science has shown to be dangerous or damaging.

Fresh Burns
It should not be used on fresh burns of any kind, including sunburn. Petrolatum traps heat inside, worsening burns. After heat has dissipated, however, it can serve as a dressing for minor burns to soothe later pain.[4]
Nasal congestion or dryness
If particles of petrolatum are inhaled from the nose, they may deposit in the lungs and lead to a condition called lipid pneumonia.
Personal lubricant
Because petroleum jelly is oil-based, it interferes with the structure of latex. Using petroleum jelly with latex condoms weakens the material very quickly, increasing the chance of rupture. Thus it is not recommended for use during sexual intercourse when using a latex condom.

oldmangrizz?

Works for chapped lips.

However, an old farmer once told me that his daddy used to wipe his hand on a mule's behind and smear that on his lips to prevent chapped lips.

I said "REALLY?" He said "Yep (quoting Easterwood, I assume), you would never lick your lips once you did that".

Hows that, mphsfan?

(08-31-2009 02:27 PM)mphsfan Wrote: [ -> ]oldmangrizz?

I have decided to ban myself from this thread. My wife just left town for two weeks. She took my car keys and my petroleum jelly with her. There are no buses or taxis that come out here in the rural area where I live. I have a call in to a local locksmith. If that doesn't work, I think I can get the pizza delivery guy to also stop and get some KY for me on his next trip out here. Until then, I see no useful purpose in posting on this thread. It just makes me more depressed.

Always useful on this day and more so in the future.

You can put it on the face of your Driver, to make the golf ball go straighter. It's true.

(08-31-2009 03:16 PM)oldmangrizz Wrote: [ -> ]

(08-31-2009 02:27 PM)mphsfan Wrote: [ -> ]oldmangrizz?

I have decided to ban myself from this thread. My wife just left town for two weeks. She took my car keys and my petroleum jelly with her. There are no buses or taxis that come out here in the rural area where I live. I have a call in to a local locksmith. If that doesn't work, I think I can get the pizza delivery guy to also stop and get some KY for me on his next trip out here. Until then, I see no useful purpose in posting on this thread. It just makes me more depressed.

Party at omg's.

It works well to put on handles of car doors. It helps them by not making them squeak but its also quite successful in its primary purpose: Pissing your friends off, or making someone who is very tight lipped say a dirty word.