Scott knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at him, and said, "Scott, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
Condoleeza Rice came in to Bush's office and said "Sir, 2 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq today." George replied, "Holy Jesus this is terrible. How am I ever going to tell the American people about this one?" She ponders about his strange over-reaction for a minute, then leaves. George then turns to his secretary and says, "How much is a brazillion?"
Big Ol Pimp Wrote:Condoleeza Rice came in to Bush's office and said "Sir, 2 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq today." George replied, "Holy Jesus this is terrible. How am I ever going to tell the American people about this one?" She ponders about his strange over-reaction for a minute, then leaves. George then turns to his secretary and says, "How much is a brazillion?"
I have to admit, thta was a good one.
Old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sunrise.
He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy! whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duct tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks".
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home, and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
The Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a ***** willow."
Old man says "Wait up, I'll get my hat."
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager said, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid said, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I