by Mike Bryan:
Dear Mr. President,
Please attack Appalachia.
You have promised the Iraqis that they will share in the wealth of their oil. We could use some of that same sharing here. We have coal and timber that is being extracted, yet very little of the profits remain in our
area. If the Iraqis are to share in the profits from their natural resources, we would like to share in the profits from ours.
You have promised healthcare for all Iraqis. We could use the same thing here. Far too many of us are without health insurance and adequate access to good healthcare facilities. You have also promised to rebuild the
schools in Iraq. We too have schools that need rebuilt and that need more funding.
Certainly you can find a justification for attacking us. We have weapons of mass destruction. Just go inspect the former uranium enrichment plant near Piketon, Ohio. You will still find all sorts of radioactive waste on and around that site. Test our waters. Test our ground. Test our air. You will find an abundance of chemical and biological agents that could be used as weapons. We literally live among them.
After all, Appalachia is America's third world. Terrorists are breeding everywhere. Where there is poverty there is unrest. Where there is poor education there is suspicion. Where there is neglect there is anger. As far as potential dangers go, Appalachia should be near the top of your list. Stomp out the bad before it turns thoroughly evil. Pre-emptively strike us now before it becomes too late. Do it before we make something else out of our fertilizer ingredients.
Since Appalachia is a highly religious area an attack could easily be explained as the fulfillment of prophecy. Many here would even agree with your need to attack us. In fact, we would probably help supply the troops.
Without any long-term energy strategy or alternative planning, once the oil is gone the US will become increasingly dependent on coal and wood. Appalachia has lots of that. Even today, the profitability of many US
businesses would be threatened if Appalachia refused to supply them with electricity, coal, and other resources.
Can America afford to wait until a crisis is at hand before attacking Appalachia? The decision is yours. You do not even have to involve the United Nations since we are within US borders. You can go it alone.
The rest of the country will be fairly easy to convince about the need to attack us. The national news media will surely rise to your side. Prejudice against hillbillies already devalues our lives in comparison to those in the rest of the country, so our devastation and casualties would have to be nearly as high as in Iraq before anyone from outside Appalachia complains too loudly. Besides, people here have lived as second-class citizens for so long we now thoroughly expect to be treated as second-class citizens - and the rest of the nation expects to treat us that way. How else could you explain the relatively small outcry currently raised by our exceedingly high unemployment rates, poor education, high pollution, poor healthcare, high poverty, and poor leadership?
In fact, attacking us will probably help cement your re-election.
You might experience some local militia counterstrikes, but those will probably be disorganized and minor. After all, Appalachia lacks any central command, what with its being comprised of the parts of twelve states and only the whole of one state. West Virginia could be your focus. Find someone evil there to target, such as Jay Rockefeller.
He asked the FBI to investigate those forged documents you used to help justify your war against Iraq. How embarrassing that must have been: International Atomic Energy Agency Chief Mohamed ElBaradei addressed the
UN and publicly humiliated you by showing your assertion that Iraq was trying to import uranium from Niger was based on crudely faked information. Someone should pay for such an embarrassment and who better than a
Democrat who is a Rockefeller?
So Mr. President, you have all the elements you need: weapons of mass destruction, a nearly third world enemy, potential terrorists, someone to call evil, and an easy path to victory. Now all you have to do is attack. And please, do it soon. We need the reparations, better schools, better infrastructure, universal healthcare, environmental remediation, and a fair share in the wealth of our own resources.
You also promised Iraq democracy. We could use that here as well.
Please, Mr. President, attack Appalachia next.
I'll respond. This gag was done -- much better -- by Peter Sellers in
1959.
<a href='http://www.citypaper.com/1999-09-13/rewind36.html' target='_blank'>http://www.citypaper.com/1999-09-13/rewind36.html</a>
I don't know who Mike Bryan is, but if I were him, I'd look for Kato in the refrigerator when I get home from the grocery tonight.
*************************
Also, in case the mods have copyright/fair use issues, I found the link to Mr. Bryan's article here:
<a href='http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0424-09.htm' target='_blank'>http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0424-09.htm</a>
<!--EDIT|DevilGrad|Apr 28 2003, 05:05 PM-->
Here's a response from a resident of Appalachia.
I'm for the death by hanging of Mike Bryan.
![[Image: _menu_ron.jpg]](http://www.tudorsbiscuitworld.com/shared/page_images/_menu_ron.jpg)
And another thing . . . .
Using the Iraqi model, Mr. Bryan presumably would call for $30 billion worth of destruction of the state of West Virginia*, followed by $3 billion a year in reconstruction aid.**
How does that differ from the current West Virginia plan of allowing mountain-top removal mining and having Bob Byrd on the Senate Appropriations Committee? *DUCKING*
__________________________________________________
* Administration estimates of the cost of the war.
** World Bank estimates of annual funding needed to rebuild Iraq to pre-1991 levels, as heard on NPR this morning.
I recommend to anyone who is interested in Appalachia a book by Harry Caudill entitled "Night Comes to the Cumberlands: a biography of a depressed area." Although the book is a depressing read, if anything, life in the coal mining areas of appalachia has gotten worse.
For those interested in the abbreviated reader's digest version, the coal mining areas of West Virginia, Kentucky, Virginia and Tennessee were settled by extraordinarily self-sufficient people who wanted little to do with national or regional politics. They remained this way until a curse afflicted the entire area - coal. Large areas were ravaged for this resource and entire forests were felled merely to use the trees as roof supports in the mines. By the 1930's, every single stand of virgin timber in West Virginia had been cut. Every one. (Well, there is a tiny little area called "Cathedral State Park that still has virgin timber. How it escaped the axe I'll never know).
Coal brought thousands of people to the area for work but the work came at the price of hundreds of mining deaths and tens of thousands of injuries and cases of black lung every year. Wages were barely sufficient for miners to survive. Oh. And one more thing. Every single penny of profit left the state. In some counties in southern West Virginia, ALL the mineral rights and 90% of the land is owned by out of state corporations. Most of this land was transferred to foreign ownership by 1930.
Against this backdrop, the UMWA formed and transformed the life of the coal miner. Safety actually became an issue with which companies were forced to grapple and miners were actually paid a decent wage for the toll that spending 25 years stooped over wreaked on the human body. Indeed, I don't know an old miner that doesn't have bad knees and a bad back.
Unfortunately, one constant remained. ALL of the profits left the state. One has to question whether the wages paid offset the environmental degradation, the lack of economic diversity and the devastating effect coal mining has on a person's body. In other words, has coal mining had a net negative economic impact or a net positive economic impact. Nobody has, to my knowledge, ever conducted such a study because no governmental agency wants to know the answer.
The rise of the welfare state only made things worse. The entire area went from a people that were self-sufficient - if terribly poor - to one dependent on government handouts and still terribly poor. Quite honestly, those who depend on governmental handouts get lazy and don't do things like take care of their yard and their house. It may be a stereotype but stereotypes often are rooted in facts. A household totally dependent on the government for support may be better off economically than a household depending on someone who makes $10 an hour yet the family with a wage earner is more likely to paint the house and cut the grass. Workers compensation has become merely another entitlement program in the southern coal fields.
It gets worse. Over the last 40 years, coal mining jobs have been cut in half but mining production has increased. Indeed, West Virginia mines more coal than ever while employing fewer workers. Those that are employed don't have long-term stable employment. A mine will operate for a period of time, refuse to pay workers' comp or unemployment premiums, refuse to obey environmental regulations, and then shut down. The miners are out of work and the state is stuck with bad backs and polluted streams. I encourage anyone with an interest to drive along U.S. Route 52 from Williamson to Bluefield. It is truly a depressing drive. The most prominent feature on this three hour treck through the coal fields is shuttered buildings.
Of course, one thing remains the same. ALL of the profits continue to end up in Manhattan board rooms.
MAKO Wrote:I recommend to anyone who is interested in Appalachia a book by Harry Caudill entitled "Night Comes to the Cumberlands: a biography of a depressed area." Although the book is a depressing read, if anything, life in the coal mining areas of appalachia has gotten worse.
For those interested in the abbreviated reader's digest version, the coal mining areas of West Virginia, Kentucky, Virginia and Tennessee were settled by extraordinarily self-sufficient people who wanted little to do with national or regional politics. They remained this way until a curse afflicted the entire area - coal. Large areas were ravaged for this resource and entire forests were felled merely to use the trees as roof supports in the mines. By the 1930's, every single stand of virgin timber in West Virginia had been cut. Every one. (Well, there is a tiny little area called "Cathedral State Park that still has virgin timber. How it escaped the axe I'll never know).
Coal brought thousands of people to the area for work but the work came at the price of hundreds of mining deaths and tens of thousands of injuries and cases of black lung every year. Wages were barely sufficient for miners to survive. Oh. And one more thing. Every single penny of profit left the state. In some counties in southern West Virginia, ALL the mineral rights and 90% of the land is owned by out of state corporations. Most of this land was transferred to foreign ownership by 1930.
Against this backdrop, the UMWA formed and transformed the life of the coal miner. Safety actually became an issue with which companies were forced to grapple and miners were actually paid a decent wage for the toll that spending 25 years stooped over wreaked on the human body. Indeed, I don't know an old miner that doesn't have bad knees and a bad back.
Unfortunately, one constant remained. ALL of the profits left the state. One has to question whether the wages paid offset the environmental degradation, the lack of economic diversity and the devastating effect coal mining has on a person's body. In other words, has coal mining had a net negative economic impact or a net positive economic impact. Nobody has, to my knowledge, ever conducted such a study because no governmental agency wants to know the answer.
The rise of the welfare state only made things worse. The entire area went from a people that were self-sufficient - if terribly poor - to one dependent on government handouts and still terribly poor. Quite honestly, those who depend on governmental handouts get lazy and don't do things like take care of their yard and their house. It may be a stereotype but stereotypes often are rooted in facts. A household totally dependent on the government for support may be better off economically than a household depending on someone who makes $10 an hour yet the family with a wage earner is more likely to paint the house and cut the grass. Workers compensation has become merely another entitlement program in the southern coal fields.
It gets worse. Over the last 40 years, coal mining jobs have been cut in half but mining production has increased. Indeed, West Virginia mines more coal than ever while employing fewer workers. Those that are employed don't have long-term stable employment. A mine will operate for a period of time, refuse to pay workers' comp or unemployment premiums, refuse to obey environmental regulations, and then shut down. The miners are out of work and the state is stuck with bad backs and polluted streams. I encourage anyone with an interest to drive along U.S. Route 52 from Williamson to Bluefield. It is truly a depressing drive. The most prominent feature on this three hour treck through the coal fields is shuttered buildings.
Of course, one thing remains the same. ALL of the profits continue to end up in Manhattan board rooms.
Damnit Mako, nothing pisses me off more than those ****** yankees that walk in here and take food from my childs mouth. The average Joe looks at the major cities and realizes that they were built by an industry.... Pittsburgh = Steel, Chicago = cattle, ya'll get the idea. What's funny is that as much money and coal that has been made/extracted from the WV coal fields, the cities are still poor and dependant on state and federal funds.
By the way, they want to raise the tonnage on coal trucks. They'll destroy our bridges and roads after they destroy our mountains.... but whatever it takes to make a milky skinned yankee rich enough to have someone else to whipe his ****** ******! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
Wow, and people call *me* liberal.
Sounds like y'all are talking about having West Virginia "nationalize" the coal industry.
West Virginians would sure be better off...
Very eloquent, GB. :rolleyes:
Oddball Wrote:Very eloquent, GB. :rolleyes:
Damn... I wasn't meaning to be.
MAKO Wrote:The rise of the welfare state only made things worse. The entire area went from a people that were self-sufficient - if terribly poor - to one dependent on government handouts and still terribly poor. Quite honestly, those who depend on governmental handouts get lazy and don't do things like take care of their yard and their house. It may be a stereotype but stereotypes often are rooted in facts. A household totally dependent on the government for support may be better off economically than a household depending on someone who makes $10 an hour yet the family with a wage earner is more likely to paint the house and cut the grass. Workers compensation has become merely another entitlement program in the southern coal fields.
I don't know much about coal mining, but I agree with you on this part. When you take away a person's self-dependence, they lose a little bit of pride.
Hey Odd, did you know we're now "those ****** yankees "?
Didn't "those '******' yankees" kick the macho southerner's butts in the Civil War? And people complain when they're characterized as "Rednecks"...well if the shoe fits... :wave:
Queen Amidala Wrote:Hey Odd, did you know we're now "those ****** yankees "?
Do you own a coal mine?
Don't try to start a fight by trying to make this about you.
hashmander Wrote:MAKO Wrote:The rise of the welfare state only made things worse. The entire area went from a people that were self-sufficient - if terribly poor - to one dependent on government handouts and still terribly poor. Quite honestly, those who depend on governmental handouts get lazy and don't do things like take care of their yard and their house. It may be a stereotype but stereotypes often are rooted in facts. A household totally dependent on the government for support may be better off economically than a household depending on someone who makes $10 an hour yet the family with a wage earner is more likely to paint the house and cut the grass. Workers compensation has become merely another entitlement program in the southern coal fields.
I don't know much about coal mining, but I agree with you on this part. When you take away a person's self-dependence, they lose a little bit of pride.
Much easier than agreeing with the idea that out of state and foreign corporations have kept their boot on the necks of West Virginians for generations. . .
RochesterFalcon Wrote:I don't know much about coal mining, but I agree with you on this part. When you take away a person's self-dependence, they lose a little bit of pride.
Much easier than agreeing with the idea that out of state and foreign corporations have kept their boot on the necks of West Virginians for generations. . .[/quote]
There is some truth to this, but what about the obvious question: why keep doing it?
No one is forcing people to mine coal. Plenty of people move away to more attractive and lucrative opportunities. The economic churn is not necessarily fun, but it does have 'pros' with the 'cons'.
The educational and ecomonic opportunities in 20th century America were unparalleled anywhere else in space or history. (And I will call your stats on Europe, RF.)
I don't doubt there is/was injustice in the coal mines, but people aren't trapped. You can't say that about the Iraqi's, the Chinese or the N. Koreans.
HuskieDan Wrote:by Mike Bryan:
Dear Mr. President,
Please attack Appalachia.
You have promised the Iraqis that they will share in the wealth of their oil. We could use some of that same sharing here. We have coal and timber that is being extracted, yet very little of the profits remain in our
area. If the Iraqis are to share in the profits from their natural resources, we would like to share in the profits from ours.
You have promised healthcare for all Iraqis. We could use the same thing here. Far too many of us are without health insurance and adequate access to good healthcare facilities. You have also promised to rebuild the
schools in Iraq. We too have schools that need rebuilt and that need more funding.
Certainly you can find a justification for attacking us. We have weapons of mass destruction. Just go inspect the former uranium enrichment plant near Piketon, Ohio. You will still find all sorts of radioactive waste on and around that site. Test our waters. Test our ground. Test our air. You will find an abundance of chemical and biological agents that could be used as weapons. We literally live among them.
After all, Appalachia is America's third world. Terrorists are breeding everywhere. Where there is poverty there is unrest. Where there is poor education there is suspicion. Where there is neglect there is anger. As far as potential dangers go, Appalachia should be near the top of your list. Stomp out the bad before it turns thoroughly evil. Pre-emptively strike us now before it becomes too late. Do it before we make something else out of our fertilizer ingredients.
Let me advance the radical theory that maybe Mr. Bryan should move........
No, I don't mean move from the US!!! I mean move to some place that is more to his liking :crying:
For his information; there are NO travel laws in the US, you don't need to have "your papers" in order, you don't need a VISA (not the credit card- well maybe you do
),..........Hell, just move with in your own state!!!
Life is full of risks, some pay off and some don't. Yet, the biggest risk in life is....NOT TAKING ONE!!! If what your doing right now pisses you off??? Change it!!
Live in crap, accept it and blame someone else? Sounds like "risk" is not in his demeanor or vocabulary.
Just my opinion I could be wrong
GreenBison Wrote:Queen Amidala Wrote:Hey Odd, did you know we're now "those ****** yankees "?
Do you own a coal mine?
Don't try to start a fight by trying to make this about you.
I think she was trying to start a fight by making it about you being an ignorant *******, but I could be mistaken.
Quote:Let me advance the radical theory that maybe Mr. Bryan should move........
No, I don't mean move from the US!!! I mean move to some place that is more to his liking
Hmmmm. Interesting theory. Never try to fix problems. Run away from them. While that is certainly one option, a few have decided that, despite its problems, we love Appalachia and have no particular desire to live somewhere else. That doesn't mean we don't think there are serious problems that need new and innovative solutions.
I can relate, my grandfather was a coal miner in Kentucky.
Amidala don't take it too personally when they gripe about Yankees. Americans who take advantage of fellow Americans are scum. That's what they're trying to say.
MAKO Wrote:Quote:Let me advance the radical theory that maybe Mr. Bryan should move........
No, I don't mean move from the US!!! I mean move to some place that is more to his liking
Hmmmm. Interesting theory. Never try to fix problems. Run away from them. While that is certainly one option, a few have decided that, despite its problems, we love Appalachia and have no particular desire to live somewhere else. That doesn't mean we don't think there are serious problems that need new and innovative solutions.
God bless people like you. Actually trying to stay and improve life in your area!!
Because, to be quite honest, THINGS WILL NEVER CHANGE THERE IF PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T START CHANGE!!!
However, if your only goal is government support or bail outs......then just realize that losers get what they deserve......they give up and blame someone else.
Like I said in my post: "If what your doing pisses you off........CHANGE IT!!!".......
Sorry you didn't quote my entire dietribe........But the essence was ; Move or change........on your own.
Look, I dug my ****** out of steel alabama........Scary???....bet your ******.......now I'm a well spoken ----- man and making a damn fine living with a successful wife and two children.
Either stay and help or leave and come back and try to help
MAKO Wrote:Quote:Let me advance the radical theory that maybe Mr. Bryan should move........
No, I don't mean move from the US!!! I mean move to some place that is more to his liking
Hmmmm. Interesting theory. Never try to fix problems. Run away from them. While that is certainly one option, a few have decided that, despite its problems, we love Appalachia and have no particular desire to live somewhere else. That doesn't mean we don't think there are serious problems that need new and innovative solutions.
No one said don't try to fix the problems. But that wasn't Mr. Bryant's (and some subsequent poster's) perspective. Their claim was that they were forced to mine coal and live in oppression, thus needing a bailout via a military invasion.
If you are choosing to remain in Appalachia, then accept that it's your choice. Do all the muck-raking and unioninzing that is appropriate, but don't complain that you never had a choice.