Quote:A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

"Show him your BADGE!!!!"

Guy walks into a bar with a gun and says "who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"


Old drunk in the corner says "you aint got enough bullets"

(02-05-2021 04:40 PM)MemTigers1998 Wrote:  Guy walks into a bar with a gun and says "who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"


Old drunk in the corner says "you aint got enough bullets"

How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach??


Its not hard

what did the banana say to the vibrator?

why are you shaking? theyre gonna eat me

I smiled and asked my wife what she was most looking forward to doing to my body. She said "identifying it"

That's a nice respite from laughing at the Commies posts here. Thanks, keep it up .

Guy listens to his daughter saying her prayers one night, "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and goodbye grandpa."
Asks her, "Why did you say that about grandpa?"
"Oh, I don't know, just seemed the right thing to say."
Next day, grandpa drops dead.
Few months later, daughter says her prayers, "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, and goodbye grandma."
Next day, grandma drops dead. Now the guy is thinking there is something to this.
Few months later, daughter says her prayers, "God bless mommy, and goodbye daddy."
Now he is in a panic. He wakes up early, goes to office, because he thinks it is safer there, stays until midnight, then heads home, happy that he has survived.
Wife is up waiting, "What happened? How was your day?"
"Worst day of my life."
"Really, mine was terrible too. Right in the middle of my golf lesson, the pro dropped dead."

God is hanging out with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. While God and Adam are talking, Eve walks off and goes to take a bath in the lake.

During a pause in the conversation, God notices Eve isn't present anymore and looks up to see her taking her bath.

He looks over at Adam and says, "Those fish are gonna smell like that for eternity."

If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

(02-05-2021 04:40 PM)MemTigers1998 Wrote:  Guy walks into a bar with a gun and says "who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"


Old drunk in the corner says "you aint got enough bullets"

now that is damn good.

I went out dressed like a chicken last night and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken.

A herd of cattle wandered into a marijuana field -- the steaks have never been so high




What do you call fake marijuana? Crock pot

A farmer has 3 daughters and they all are going on their 1st ever date on the same night -

The first fella shows up and says "hello Mr Farmer, my name is Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. Hope she's ready because were going to eat spaghetti". Farmer wishes them well and sends them on their way.

2nd fella shows up. "Hello Mr Framer, I'm Joe and here to pick up Flo. We're gonna see a show, hope she's ready to go". The farmer wishes them well and sends them on their way.

A few minutes later, the 3rd fella arrives. "Hello Mr Farmer, my name is Chuck". The farmer shot him.

A prof at NMSU once told a story of how for a prank in high school, he and others got 3 cows and turned them loose in their high school one night. They had also painted the numbers 1, 2 and 4 on the cows. He recalled janitors looking in closets the next day for cow 3.

Dude was from Texas.

(02-08-2021 05:28 PM)CrimsonPhantom Wrote:  A prof at NMSU once told a story of how for a prank in high school, he and others got 3 cows and turned them loose in their high school one night. They had also painted the numbers 1, 2 and 4 on the cows. He recalled janitors looking in closets the next day for cow 3.

Dude was from Texas.

You're lying again there Crimson, no self respecting Texan will step foot in New Mexico, we might roar by but that's because we're going to someplace nice.

another good one my boss emailed me-

(from a Marine's wife)

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government underwent a peaceful transition of power yesterday. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Joe Biden took his Oath of Office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then that I realized how far America 's military had deteriorated.



Every one of them missed the bastard.