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Jersey Retired
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Post: #1
 
"MEMORANDUM SUBJECT: Company Christmas Party

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2004
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO
shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry

Christmas to you and your family. Patty
*****************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our " Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty
*****************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
******************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union
members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00
is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
*******************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 05, 2004
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party-
or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty
*******************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All *** Employees
DATE: October 05, 2004
RE: The Screwed up Holiday Party

Vegetarian Jerks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and
you'll get your Damm salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die! The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!
*****************************************************************************************************
MEMORANDUM
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2004
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel out Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!
12-16-2004 02:15 PM
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Home of the Wave Offline
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Post: #2
 
Observer,
Merry Christmas!
12-16-2004 04:11 PM
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Observer Offline
Jersey Retired
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Post: #3
 
Merry Christmas to you too!
12-16-2004 04:16 PM
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1ndabag Offline
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Post: #4
 
Given the assault on Christmas, I find myself going out of my way to wish Merry Christmas to folks more than I normally would. I went into Kmart the other day and they had a guy out there with a Salvation Army bucket. As I passed by and dropped in a buck, the guy says "Happy Holidays". I responded with "Merry Christmas" and talked to him for a moment about just who the season is all about. Not lecturing, just talking. He said laughingly that he was just trying to be politically correct. I jokingly responded "well that's where you screwed up". He was a good natured guy. Afterwards, on my way out of the store, the guy sees me and hollars over to me, "Merry Christmas" with a big smile on his face. Good stuff. :)
12-16-2004 06:58 PM
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Jersey Retired
Jersey Retired

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Post: #5
 
That's a great story. I also find that I have gotten to the point that I refuse to use any term other than "merry Christmas."
12-17-2004 12:17 PM
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