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texasbronco1 Offline
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I Root For: WMU Broncos
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Post: #1
Married Life
Husband’s Text Message: “Honey, a car hit me as I was walking out of the office. Cindy brought me to the hospital. They’re doing tests and X-rays. I suffered a severe blow to my head - very strong. Fortunately, it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in my left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot. And now I am also on dialysis, and fading in and out of consciousness.”

Wife’s Response: “Who’s Cindy?
08-22-2017 03:40 PM
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holybovine Offline
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Location: Texas
Post: #2
RE: Married Life
You're not kidding.
09-24-2017 01:40 AM
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goldsworth Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Married Life
(08-22-2017 03:40 PM)texasbronco1 Wrote:  Husband’s Text Message: “Honey, a car hit me as I was walking out of the office. Cindy brought me to the hospital. They’re doing tests and X-rays. I suffered a severe blow to my head - very strong. Fortunately, it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in my left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot. And now I am also on dialysis, and fading in and out of consciousness.”

Wife’s Response: “Who’s Cindy?

A group of good friends are consoling one of their own who lost a husband after many years of marriage. The subject of funeral costs came up and the widow was explaining to her friends that funerals are down right expensive. Really they said well how expensive ? The widow goes on to explain that she spent over 40 thousand for her husbands funeral. They all gasped why so expensive they asked. The widow said let me see there was 8 thousand for the casket and one day wake and 500 for opening and closing the grave. 500 for embalming and another 1000 for the funeral luncheon and oh 30,000 for the memorial stone. 30,000 FOR THE MEMORIAL STONE they all shouted. Well just how big was the memorial stone they inquired. Let me see said the widow about 5 carats she said waving her hand wildly.
09-24-2017 07:05 AM
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toddjnsn Offline
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I Root For: WMU, MAC
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Post: #4
RE: Married Life
Quote:My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Quote:I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.


Quote:My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.

I brought home diet pills. Apparently very much not what she meant.

Quote:I’ve never been married, but I can imagine how it feels. I once had a stone stuck in my shoe for 10 hours.

Quote:After a nasty divorce, Jim's health went down the tubes. He noticed something was really wrong and went to the doctor for a full examination, as things looked really bad and potentially cancerous. Days later he gets a phone call from the doctor's office to come down as soon as possible about the results. He then goes to the doctor's office, worrying about the results. The doctor then sits him down, and sighs:

Doctor: Well, we got the results, and, well... how do I say this... There's some good news, and some bad news. Which do you want first?"

Jim: Give me the bad news first. (tears rolling down cheek)

Doctor: Okay. Well, you have terminal cancer. You have about 2 to maybe 6 months to live, if that.

Jim: (crying) .... and, and... the Good news?

Doctor: See that hot nurse sitting at the desk out there? (Doctor waves to her)

Jim: (sees hot nurse smiling at him) Yeah.... Yeah?

Doctor: Yeah, I banged her.
(This post was last modified: 09-25-2017 07:56 PM by toddjnsn.)
09-25-2017 07:56 PM
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GullLake Offline
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I Root For: The MAC
Location: My Lazy-Boy
Post: #5
RE: Married Life
(08-22-2017 03:40 PM)texasbronco1 Wrote:  Husband’s Text Message: “Honey, a car hit me as I was walking out of the office. Cindy brought me to the hospital. They’re doing tests and X-rays. I suffered a severe blow to my head - very strong. Fortunately, it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in my left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot. And now I am also on dialysis, and fading in and out of consciousness.”

Wife’s Response: “Who’s Cindy?

The late Sam Kinison on marraige:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GXPd0fnpKw
09-26-2017 01:21 PM
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broncofan1 Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Married Life
"I've been married to my wife for 30 years, and I have to say...it's felt like 30 minutes.


Under water."
09-28-2017 12:59 PM
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