2 Jokes for the 1st day of the month
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."
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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.
As the evening gets late, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The guy Is amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
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