The Rice University Owls lost the 2020 Vidalia Bowl in Vidalia, Louisiana to a strong Jena, Louisiana Middle School 35-14. Although the Owls lost, this marked the fifth straight year that the Owls have gone to a Bowl, an unprecedented level of success. Last year, they won the Nowhere Bowl in Nowhere, Texas 72-70 against the Lagrange, exas High School.

With the Owls' staunch “we will play any one, anytime, anywhere” policy, it has expanded its playing schedule to the Houston Independent School District, where it has won an impressive 65% of its games. Several posters on the influential Rice Parliament have pointed out that Rice’s combined 35-30 record over the last five years confirms the wisdom of former Athletic Director Joe Karlgaard in maintaining coach David Bailiff against a pitchfork movement to fire him. As one poster said, Houston high school football is really tough.

The Owls success is a combination of the skill of its coach David Bailiff and a decision Bailiff and Karlgaard, now Athletic Director at Iowa State, made in 2015 to leave CUSA and play a schedule of high school and community college teams. Karlgaard noted at the time “In addition to giving us a highly competitive environment, the move will save significant travel costs.”


Going back to the Vidalia Bowl, current Rice AD Rick Gerlachc pointed out that it really was not a fair game because Jena Middle School had elementary school transfers. Other Parliament posters pointed out that Rice’s academic standards put Rice at a disadvantage, one noting that JMS admits anyone. Gerlach noted however that as long as Rice continues to dumb down its competition, it can maintain a winning record, maintaining its unprecedented level of success. Gerlach has appointed a panel to investigate playing middle schools on a regular basis. He noted “We are also considering playing select elementary schools.” Assistant AD Mr. Afflicted noted, “It’s not how you play the game or who you play, its whether you win or lose, and we are winners, Baby.”

Several notorious malcontents, including Walt Greenberg, Wisconsin Owl, Hawaii Owl, Ranger, Good Owl, Antarius, Talon Owl, and NOLA pointed out that Rice should not be playing high schools and middle schools, and that going to a bowl game with a middle school was not an achievement. However, ebullient Parliament posters celebrating Rice’s unprecedent level of success under Coach David Bailiff quickly poo-pooed this negative thinking, reminding them that a win is a win and a bowl is a bowl, also pointing out that losing to Jena Middle School was not an embarrassment since Jena had posted an impressive 6-4 record in the always tough East Central Middle School District, a district rated in the top 50 (43rd ) Middle School leagues in Louisiana. One poster wrote “Wins are good. We will play elementary schools if that is what it takes to get a W. Yeah!!!!! Keep winning, Baby.”

During the season, Rice posted an impressive 7-5 record, not counting the bowl game, going 0-3 against community colleges and posting a 7-2 record against Houston area high schools.

Gerlach noted that Rice football had clearly met the goal set by the former AD of making the Top 25, as Rice was rated number 19 among Houston area schools in football. Profiting from this unprecedented level of success, Gerlach called Bailiff the “greatest Rice coach of all time” and extended him for life with no possibility of firing, making Bailiff Coach for Life.

Apparently, there is significant hostility between Gerlach and Karlgaard since Karlgaard has pulled out all stops to hire Bailiff at Iowa State. In response to questions about Karlgaard’s attempts, Gerlach resolutely proclaimed “DB is my man, and I will never let him go.”

Gerlach also announced that starting this summer Rice will conduct an annual David Bailiff Clapping Camp. Gerlach said, “In addition to being one of the premier football coaches in the five mile district surrounding the Rice campus, David is a world class clapper. If I could choose only one person to clap for me, it would be David.”

When asked about the new camp, coach Bailiff said “Clapping is fun. I like to clap." He averred that clapping is a difficult maneuver that he had learned over a five year period, but felt he had learned some techniques which could accelerate a person’s learning of clap.

Afflicted chimed in “We are winners. Look at our record. Another school wants our coach. We are going to continue this winning tradition, no matter what it takes.”

A former celebrated poster, D1 Owls, said exasperatedly, “I was right all along. If we had given Greenspan and Braun the time they needed (45 years or more) we could have transformed all of Rice athletics into winners. High schools and middle schools play basketball, too. And that secret EZF plan by Greenspan was exactly what we needed"

Finally Gerlach announced the formation of the Bailiff Adoration Society. Members of this elite group will be known as the Bailiffistas.

Love the Bailiff clapping quote. That's about the proper amount of insight we normally get from him on football-related matters.

(12-07-2015 05:04 PM)wrysal Wrote:  Love the Bailiff clapping quote. That's about the proper amount of insight we normally get from him on football-related matters.

No one claps as well as Mac Brown . . . Mac Brown.

(12-07-2015 05:37 PM)waltgreenberg Wrote:  

A graduate of the Bailiff school, I see?

(12-07-2015 06:08 PM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  

(12-07-2015 05:37 PM)waltgreenberg Wrote:  

A graduate of the Bailiff school, I see?

lol

We did play high schools when we started playing football in 1912 and 1913. One of the teams we played was Central High in Houston. We had only freshmen in 1912 and freshman and sophmores in 1913. The 1913 team was undefeated and untied.

Awesome!

I am very, very angry at you, Ranger. I ask the you retract your statement, because I never said that Rice should not be playing high schools and middle schools, and that going to a bowl game with a middle school was not an achievement.

You are unbelievable!

Bloody brilliant.

Don't know whether to laugh at the satire or cry because it's so true

Was there a lightening delay in the bowl game against Lagrange?

When stuff like this starts showing up, it's a pretty clear sign that the natives are restless.

It was noted by the few Bailiff supporters that the empty Rice Stadium actually let them hear Bailiff's actual claps! The ultimate fan experience! It keeps them coming back.

Bravo!

(12-07-2015 04:53 PM)Ranger Wrote:  The Rice University Owls lost the 2020 Vidalia Bowl in Vidalia, Louisiana to a strong Jena, Louisiana Middle School 35-14. Although the Owls lost, this marked the fifth straight year that the Owls have gone to a Bowl, an unprecedented level of success. Last year, they won the Nowhere Bowl in Nowhere, Texas 72-70 against the Lagrange, exas High School.

With the Owls' staunch “we will play any one, anytime, anywhere” policy, it has expanded its playing schedule to the Houston Independent School District, where it has won an impressive 65% of its games. Several posters on the influential Rice Parliament have pointed out that Rice’s combined 35-30 record over the last five years confirms the wisdom of former Athletic Director Joe Karlgaard in maintaining coach David Bailiff against a pitchfork movement to fire him. As one poster said, Houston high school football is really tough.

The Owls success is a combination of the skill of its coach David Bailiff and a decision Bailiff and Karlgaard, now Athletic Director at Iowa State, made in 2015 to leave CUSA and play a schedule of high school and community college teams. Karlgaard noted at the time “In addition to giving us a highly competitive environment, the move will save significant travel costs.”


Going back to the Vidalia Bowl, current Rice AD Rick Gerlachc pointed out that it really was not a fair game because Jena Middle School had elementary school transfers. Other Parliament posters pointed out that Rice’s academic standards put Rice at a disadvantage, one noting that JMS admits anyone. Gerlach noted however that as long as Rice continues to dumb down its competition, it can maintain a winning record, maintaining its unprecedented level of success. Gerlach has appointed a panel to investigate playing middle schools on a regular basis. He noted “We are also considering playing select elementary schools.” Assistant AD Mr. Afflicted noted, “It’s not how you play the game or who you play, its whether you win or lose, and we are winners, Baby.”

Several notorious malcontents, including Walt Greenberg, Wisconsin Owl, Hawaii Owl, Ranger, Good Owl, Antarius, Talon Owl, and NOLA pointed out that Rice should not be playing high schools and middle schools, and that going to a bowl game with a middle school was not an achievement. However, ebullient Parliament posters celebrating Rice’s unprecedent level of success under Coach David Bailiff quickly poo-pooed this negative thinking, reminding them that a win is a win and a bowl is a bowl, also pointing out that losing to Jena Middle School was not an embarrassment since Jena had posted an impressive 6-4 record in the always tough East Central Middle School District, a district rated in the top 50 (43rd ) Middle School leagues in Louisiana. One poster wrote “Wins are good. We will play elementary schools if that is what it takes to get a W. Yeah!!!!! Keep winning, Baby.”

During the season, Rice posted an impressive 7-5 record, not counting the bowl game, going 0-3 against community colleges and posting a 7-2 record against Houston area high schools.

Gerlach noted that Rice football had clearly met the goal set by the former AD of making the Top 25, as Rice was rated number 19 among Houston area schools in football. Profiting from this unprecedented level of success, Gerlach called Bailiff the “greatest Rice coach of all time” and extended him for life with no possibility of firing, making Bailiff Coach for Life.

Apparently, there is significant hostility between Gerlach and Karlgaard since Karlgaard has pulled out all stops to hire Bailiff at Iowa State. In response to questions about Karlgaard’s attempts, Gerlach resolutely proclaimed “DB is my man, and I will never let him go.”

Gerlach also announced that starting this summer Rice will conduct an annual David Bailiff Clapping Camp. Gerlach said, “In addition to being one of the premier football coaches in the five mile district surrounding the Rice campus, David is a world class clapper. If I could choose only one person to clap for me, it would be David.”

When asked about the new camp, coach Bailiff said “Clapping is fun. I like to clap." He averred that clapping is a difficult maneuver that he had learned over a five year period, but felt he had learned some techniques which could accelerate a person’s learning of clap.

Afflicted chimed in “We are winners. Look at our record. Another school wants our coach. We are going to continue this winning tradition, no matter what it takes.”

A former celebrated poster, D1 Owls, said exasperatedly, “I was right all along. If we had given Greenspan and Braun the time they needed (45 years or more) we could have transformed all of Rice athletics into winners. High schools and middle schools play basketball, too. And that secret EZF plan by Greenspan was exactly what we needed"

Finally Gerlach announced the formation of the Bailiff Adoration Society. Members of this elite group will be known as the Bailiffistas.

Love it. However I do object to being labeled a malcontent!!

You have way too much time on your hands. (Says the guy responding on a message board to a meh piece of writing)

(12-08-2015 11:47 AM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  When stuff like this starts showing up, it's a pretty clear sign that the natives are restless.

I have a slightly different take.

When things like this start showing up, it is a pretty clear sign that people have forgotten fundamental human decency.

This “creative” effort appears to have been directed primarily toward the purpose of casting aspersion on a dedicated Rice Owl fan. I use the term “creative” pretty loosely, because it appears to be essentially destructive in intent. I have never met the author’s parents, so I can’t say whether they would be proud or impressed, but I my guess is that Jonathan Swift would not. And a writer like Fyodor Dostoyevsky probably would find the use of “satire” (whether of sorts or otherwise) put to the service of such a personal attack to be morally deficient.

Congratulations, not only to the author but the other self-appointed “REAL” fans applauding same, on alienating people who care about the fortunes of Rice athletics. Last time I checked, the depth of the Owls fan base was pretty thin, so making an effort to drive people away doesn’t seem like a beneficial course of action. I don’t know how thick my skin is, but if this is the attitude and approach it takes to “care” about Rice, then I would happily number myself among the indifferent.

(12-08-2015 06:34 PM)Randolph Wrote:  

(12-08-2015 11:47 AM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  When stuff like this starts showing up, it's a pretty clear sign that the natives are restless.

I have a slightly different take.

When things like this start showing up, it is a pretty clear sign that people have forgotten fundamental human decency.

This “creative” effort appears to have been directed primarily toward the purpose of casting aspersion on a dedicated Rice Owl fan. I use the term “creative” pretty loosely, because it appears to be essentially destructive in intent. I have never met the author’s parents, so I can’t say whether they would be proud or impressed, but I my guess is that Jonathan Swift would not. And a writer like Fyodor Dostoyevsky probably would find the use of “satire” (whether of sorts or otherwise) put to the service of such a personal attack to be morally deficient.

Congratulations, not only to the author but the other self-appointed “REAL” fans applauding same, on alienating people who care about the fortunes of Rice athletics. Last time I checked, the depth of the Owls fan base was pretty thin, so making an effort to drive people away doesn’t seem like a beneficial course of action. I don’t know how thick my skin is, but if this is the attitude and approach it takes to “care” about Rice, then I would happily number myself among the indifferent.

I've been trying to figure out if the lack of activity I've noticed today was due to this post or the other one reminding all of us how much time we waste on here...

[satire]...and in the post game presser, Rice defensive lineman Davie Bailiff, grandson of Coach-for-life Bailiff, tearfully complimented his grandpappy. The video made page 1 of ESPN, which is the first mention of Rice football on ESPN in years...[/satire]

(12-08-2015 06:34 PM)Randolph Wrote:  

(12-08-2015 11:47 AM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  When stuff like this starts showing up, it's a pretty clear sign that the natives are restless.

I have a slightly different take.

When things like this start showing up, it is a pretty clear sign that people have forgotten fundamental human decency.

This “creative” effort appears to have been directed primarily toward the purpose of casting aspersion on a dedicated Rice Owl fan. I use the term “creative” pretty loosely, because it appears to be essentially destructive in intent. I have never met the author’s parents, so I can’t say whether they would be proud or impressed, but I my guess is that Jonathan Swift would not. And a writer like Fyodor Dostoyevsky probably would find the use of “satire” (whether of sorts or otherwise) put to the service of such a personal attack to be morally deficient.

Congratulations, not only to the author but the other self-appointed “REAL” fans applauding same, on alienating people who care about the fortunes of Rice athletics. Last time I checked, the depth of the Owls fan base was pretty thin, so making an effort to drive people away doesn’t seem like a beneficial course of action. I don’t know how thick my skin is, but if this is the attitude and approach it takes to “care” about Rice, then I would happily number myself among the indifferent.

Randolph, I don't know where to start a response to your invidious comments about me and other posters. You have come close to attacking my character and that of other posters. You seem to have managed to stop short of that, but your insinuations were there.

This was a lampoon. No one's character or integrity was attacked, athough in your holier than thou attitude, you have attacked ours.

Over the past few years, I and a number of fellow fans were ridiculed for suggesting that Braun, RG, and Bailiff were not performing at a level necessary to prevent the eventual stagnation and irrelevance of our athletic program. I did not see you come to our assistance. We were treated far more harshly than anyone was treated in this satire, or whatever your bogus erudition tells you it was. I thought humor could make the point, that we have not reached an unprecedented level of success. I hoped through humor I could open some eyes that have been resistant to seeing reality.

Realizing that members of the Athletic Department monitor this website, I had further hoped that this might point out the level of concern about the current state of Rice football, or as 69 said show how restless the natives are.

This is REAL. Unless something is done, we may well see the end of Rice athletics, or at least football, as we have known it and want to see it continue.

For what it is worth, I ran my post by several ultra respected posters, and they gave it the green light. I am sure you will want to expand your thinly veiled attack on their characters as well.

I mocked attitudes. I find it interesting that you are so concerned with the attack on someone's attitude that you feel you can make a veiled attack on someone's character, and that makes you a superior person. Please spare me your hypocrisy.