From another
thread
True Toledo Stories
Toledo is the only city in the world where a man’s mistress is more ugly than his wife.
A Helicopter crashes in a Toledo cemetery. The rescue teams have already found 100 dead people.
How do you say genius in Toledo? A Huskies fan.
Why do Toledoans never play hide and seek? Because nobody wants to look for them.
The difference between a Toledo wedding and a Toledo funeral is that at a funeral there’s one person not drinking.
What is the difference between Toledo and Bowling Green residents? Toledo has nice neighbors!
How do you know that you’re talking to an extrovert Toledoan? When conversing with you, he’s looking at your feet instead of his own.
How do you get a Toledoan out of the bathtub? Throw in a bar of soap.
What is small, dark, and knocking at the door of a Toledoans house? The future.
A Huskie, a Rocket and a Falcon run a 100-meter race. The Huskie wins, the Falcon gave up, and the Rocket lost his way.
Rocket fans, have you heard, the male gorilla in the Toledo Zoo is seriously ill and the female gorilla is going crazy without sex. They are now looking for somebody to replace the male gorilla and they are willing to pay up to 5,000 dollars. I heard says the Rocket fan, but where will I find 5,000 dollars?
I think, therefore I am, says a Toledoan and disappears without a trace.
A Rocket interviews for a job in Chicago. Where are you from asks the employer? From Toledo says the applicant. Oh, I know, says the employer, you Rockets are known to be lazy. Oh no, sir, responds the Rocket, those are the Falcons. We Rocket are stupid.
A Toledo woman is taken by intensive care in city hospital. Her husband is waiting for the doctor. Doctor came out and talked to her husband and said your wife is not looking good. Doctor, I know that, but she is good cook, she is good with our children and that is the reason why she is my wife.
What do you call a Rocket going to the University of Toledo? A person without a chance.
What do you call a Rocket with 300 hundred wives? A Shepherd.
A Toledoan and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Toledoan says we have the Mud Hens. Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, we have the Coliseum. The Toledoan retorts, we Toledoans have the University of Toledo, the Italian, nodding agreement, says, but we built the Roman Empire. And so on and so on until the Toledoan comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, we invented sex! The Italian replies, that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.
What’s the fastest thing in Bowling Green? A Rocket with your TV. What’s the second fastest thing in Toledo? His cousin with your blue ray player.
What’s a Toledoan with two brain cells? Pregnant
A Huskie and a Rocket are sitting in a bar, watching the evening news. They see a woman ready to jump from the 6th floor, shouting I’m going to jump, I’m going to jump. The Huskie says. I bet she’s going to jump. The Rocket replies I bet she wont. So they bet, and the woman jumps. Then the Huskie tells the Rocket I have to confess that I cheated, as I already saw it on the 1pm news. Me too, says the Rocket, I saw it on the 1pm news already. But I did not think that she would be stupid enough to jump twice.
What do you call a Rocket who has five naked children chained to the heater in his basement? Nothing, he’s still just a regular Rocket.
A Toledo man is hiking across Ohio when he spots a herd of sheep in the distance. He whips out his binoculars, counts 75 sheep and then heads towards the farmer. If I can guess the number of sheep you have, may I pick one of them out for myself? Sure the farmer replies, you will never get it right. 75 the Toledo man says. Well shoot, go take one. The Toledo man walks back into the field and returns with his prize slung over his shoulder. Upon seeing the triumphant Toledoan, the farmer asks, If I can guess what city your from can I have my dog back?
Some tourists in the Toledo Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are? The guard replies, they are 80 million, four years, and six months old. – That’s an awfully exact number, says the tourist, how do you know their age so precisely? The guard replies, well, the dinosaur bones were 80 million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.
A Huskie bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day in DeKalb, when suddenly the door bursts open and in come four howling Rockets. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, 51 days, 51 days, 51 days!
Soon, three more Rockets arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! Two more Rockets show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days!
Finally, the tenth Rocket comes in with a picture under his arm. He walks over to the table, sits the picture in the middle and the table erupts.
Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting 51 days, 51 days, 51 days! The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the Rockets, What’s all the chanting and celebration about? The Rocket who brought in the picture pipes in, everyone thinks that Rockets are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!
Proud to be a HUSKIE FOOTBALL FAN