Quote:Even for those who gambled in the fertility roulette and won, the costs of spending that additional ten years riding the carousel, building the career, and finding oneself are much higher than anticipated:

Katrina Alcorn, author of the bestselling Maxed out: American Moms on the brink, says women who delayed having kids ‘‘to try to get a foothold in their careers or to get some financial stability’’ are being pushed beyond their limits as they struggle with work-life balance and the additional burdens that mid-life brings.

‘‘They find themselves in their 40s, sandwiched between raising young kids and trying to take care of aging parents while also trying to support their families financially,’’ she explains to Quartz.‘‘It’s too much.’’

One Washington, DC-area working mom in her 40s (who asked not to be named) tells Quartz: ‘‘I feel like I am a parent to four small children not two, and I’m not sure cloning myself would even be enough.” She’s also caring for her sick mom and dad (who live in another state) and juggling an array of end-of-year parties, concerts and “graduations” for her preschoolers. At the same time, she is holding down a full-time job, like her husband, except hers demands regular travel.

The men in these high-powered couples are wilting under the pressure too. Alpha dads have to navigate what Dutch Economist Lans Bovenberg calls ‘‘the rush-hour of life,’’ typically in one’s late 30s or early 40s, when child-raising and professional responsibilities peak. Unfortunately, economic and social structures that have traditionally supported parents are disappearing.

One review of the academic literature shows ‘‘common sources of support for older parents like family, friends, neighbors and community,’’ have been found to exist ‘‘minimally, if at all.’’

It's pretty straightforward. Women should ideally marry around 22 or 23 and start having children by 25. The longer they wait, the harder it gets in every way. And for men, they should try to get married by 27 and start having children by age 30, although they may have a little more flexibility so long as they marry a younger woman. And by younger, I mean 10 years younger, not two. 36 and 26 works much better than 36 and 34 in the parental regard.

http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2015/0...thood.html

It's all about choices.

As an aside, when a 26 yr old woman marries a 36 year old man, she can look forward to 15 years of being a widow (statistically).

sounds like she needs to simplify her life.

Hindsight is always 20/20. That said, I'm thrilled with my wife and cannot imagine being with somebody else. She's a year older than me (in our late 30's) and we had our first fairly recently. Sure it would be nice if we'd met earlier in life but that's not how things always work out.

On the flip side of that are the folks that got married too early. It's not 1950 anymore and some things just are not realistic. Painting with a broad brush saying that people "should do this" or "should do that" in regards to a lifetime relationship is just illogical.

(06-17-2015 10:30 AM)blunderbuss Wrote:  Painting with a broad brush saying that people "should do this" or "should do that" in regards to a lifetime relationship is just illogical.

True, but that's not what the article is saying.

(06-17-2015 10:30 AM)blunderbuss Wrote:  Hindsight is always 20/20. That said, I'm thrilled with my wife and cannot imagine being with somebody else. She's a year older than me (in our late 30's) and we had our first fairly recently. Sure it would be nice if we'd met earlier in life but that's not how things always work out.

On the flip side of that are the folks that got married too early. It's not 1950 anymore and some things just are not realistic. Painting with a broad brush saying that people "should do this" or "should do that" in regards to a lifetime relationship is just illogical.

Unfortunately, biology doesn't care if it is 1950 or 2015. We had our first when I was 29 and the wife was a young 27 (today's standards) and it took us 6 years to conceive the 2nd. I seriously doubt we'll be able to conceive a 3rd now that she is approaching 35.

Interesting article EverRespect. It made me think of the Peter Pan Syndrome.

Quote:blunderbuss Wrote:
Painting with a broad brush saying that people "should do this" or "should do that" in regards to a lifetime relationship is just illogical.

blunderbuss, while I am not disagreeing with the idea that you shouldn't tell people what to do in a lifetime relationship, I am of the mindset, and think the article is as well, that many people today don't enjoy the stage of life that they are in. Instead they deny who they are and look in other directions. In other words, and maybe not the best choice of words but I use it to convey the message from my linked article, they simply aren't 'growing up'. I am not trying to be in any way condescending or yelling to get off my lawn. Just my observations from life and work.

(06-17-2015 10:43 PM)BEARCATDALE Wrote:  Interesting article EverRespect. It made me think of the Peter Pan Syndrome.

Sums up a friend from HS perfectly.

(06-17-2015 10:43 PM)BEARCATDALE Wrote:  

Quote:blunderbuss Wrote:
Painting with a broad brush saying that people "should do this" or "should do that" in regards to a lifetime relationship is just illogical.

blunderbuss, while I am not disagreeing with the idea that you shouldn't tell people what to do in a lifetime relationship, I am of the mindset, and think the article is as well, that many people today don't enjoy the stage of life that they are in. Instead they deny who they are and look in other directions. In other words, and maybe not the best choice of words but I use it to convey the message from my linked article, they simply aren't 'growing up'. I am not trying to be in any way condescending or yelling to get off my lawn. Just my observations from life and work.

All I'm trying to say is that there are other factors involved. Many times they are completely outside of one's control. Not everybody has the neat linear path. There can be a lot of bumps in the road for some folks for one reason or another. In my case I had to work 30-40 hrs/week all the way through school. Finally graduated at 27 yrs. Also, the girl I was with in my 20's turned out to be a "not very good person" and I'll just leave it there. Yes, sometimes it's completely their fault as illustrated in the article. Other times it is not.

The chick in the article seems to have WAY too much going on. In my case my wife and I didn't meet until later. I'm in a financial position where she doesn't have to work unless she really wants to but she chooses to work part time. As my son gets older and my career progresses she probably won't work at all.

Obviously there are pro's and con's from both sides of the spectrum.

I'm curious if the writer had an agenda

Peter Pan syndrome sounds like a woman in her 30s that I know. She has two kids by two different men who he lets he parents raise while she is off in another city living with her new boyfriend. She continually parties, takes selfies showing how hot she is (not), and when she works it's at a fast food restaurant. She is totally self-absorbed.

We all wonder why she hasn't grown up when she obviously should if for no other reason that the sake of her kids…

(06-18-2015 09:14 AM)mptnstr@44 Wrote:  Peter Pan syndrome sounds like a woman in her 30s that I know. She has two kids by two different men who he lets he parents raise while she is off in another city living with her new boyfriend. She continually parties, takes selfies showing how hot she is (not), and when she works it's at a fast food restaurant. She is totally self-absorbed.

We all wonder why she hasn't grown up when she obviously should if for no other reason that the sake of her kids…

To be honest, sounds like the kids are in the better place, at least given the family dynamic described above.

I never wanted to be the "old" dad. I found the woman i loved i was just lucky to meet her in high school. I'm 24 she's 23 and we have a 8 month old. I want my kids moved out of the house and in college by the time i'm 50. so i have 6 more years to have as many kids as i want.

(06-18-2015 09:36 AM)VA49er Wrote:  

(06-18-2015 09:14 AM)mptnstr@44 Wrote:  Peter Pan syndrome sounds like a woman in her 30s that I know. She has two kids by two different men who he lets he parents raise while she is off in another city living with her new boyfriend. She continually parties, takes selfies showing how hot she is (not), and when she works it's at a fast food restaurant. She is totally self-absorbed.

We all wonder why she hasn't grown up when she obviously should if for no other reason that the sake of her kids…

To be honest, sounds like the kids are in the better place, at least given the family dynamic described above.

The kids are better off with her parents but her dad is in his 70s and mom in her late 60s...he is retired but she still works and has to continue because of cost of raising the grandkids. I feel badly for them as they should be living their golden years not raising their grandkids.

If I were advising a younger man, educated good job and career path not loaded with debt,
date marry an 1) attractive rural country girl, 2) educated black girl, 3) Foreign girl. You put a roof over
the head of the aforementioned, treat them well, don't cheat, they will be loyal, lower maintenance, and will stay
home with kids until at least you get them into 2nd 3rd grade. Educated white girls just don't want to get married young and have babies. Exceptions to everything of course. Don't start off with a McMansion and high car payments.

What we a are discussing here is the "choices" we are making today. Everything in that article has to do with responsibility and choices. Sounds like the Pre Schoolers party can take a back seat to taking care of the elderly grandparents.

As another poster said, she needs to " unclutter her life" and pick the truly important issues. News flash.... it's called LIFE!

(06-18-2015 12:17 PM)South Carolina Duke Wrote:  What we a are discussing here is the "choices" we are making today. Everything in that article has to do with responsibility and choices. Sounds like the Pre Schoolers party can take a back seat to taking care of the elderly grandparents.

As another poster said, she needs to " unclutter her life" and pick the truly important issues. News flash.... it's called LIFE!

That's what I don't get. Yes, things get more busy as kids get older but this woman sounds like an idiot trying to balance all this stuff.

No she is ver typical I think of today's working female that is college educated , makes good money, married with kids. I see if often with family and friends.

She wants the good without the bad ,( mundane , tedious, taxing) reality of what she wanted. Now all of a sudden , she's a martyr?!

This individual nor you or I can have our cake and rate too!

(06-18-2015 12:38 PM)South Carolina Duke Wrote:  No she is ver typical I think of today's working female that is college educated , makes good money, married with kids. I see if often with family and friends.

She wants the good without the bad ,( mundane , tedious, taxing) reality of what she wanted. Now all of a sudden , she's a martyr?!

This individual nor you or I can have our cake and rate too!

She made choices and regrets those choices. She is warning people against making those same choices. She is not asking for government action. I really don't see the problem here.

I missed the "regret portion" and only focused on the victim mentality of her choices.

Had my first kid when I was 30 and wife was 24. Had third kid when I was 40. My only real regret is I wished we would have had more children while I was in my 30's.