NICK SABAN PROPOSES 14 NEW RULES FOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL

Quote:If there's one thing that Nick Saban has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, it's how much he cares about the health of his players. The guy gives out medical redshirts like a grandma of fifteen gives out birthday cards. He's just so nice. In fact, Saban just might be the nicest guy in all of sports. Do any of y'all doubt that Nick Saban has the best interests of the sport in mind when he endorses new timing rules and works to ensure that they get secretly passed?

I mean, do y'all really think Nick Saban would do anything to get an advantage for his own team while simultaneously hurting another team that he's playing against?

Of course not!

Yesterday Saban compared football concussions to smoking cigarettes. I say bravo to Nick Saban for connecting two completely unconnected things. Without Nick Saban standing steadfastly on the front lines of college football health, we were clearly heading towards an era where players smoked while playing football. Plainly, that's dangerous. Especially with sickle cell and HIV and syphilis to consider. Otherwise, those hurry up no huddle offenses want to trot out sickle cell syphilitic smoking HIV positive quarterbacks who they are trying to kill. AND RUN THE READ OPTION WITH THEM IN THE HOT SUN. Who's going to protect you from sickle cell syphilitic HIV positive smoking deaths on the football field?

Nick F'ing Saban, that's who.

Thanks to Outkick's spectacular relationship with Nick Saban, we were able to obtain 14 additional rules that Nick Saban has endorsed to make college football safer. I think we would all agree that these are necessary and proper rules and that we're all very fortunate that Nick Saban has the best interests of the game in mind.

14 proposed Nick Saban safety rules for college football.

You'll need to click on the link to find out what the 14 rules are.

So many people read this. But not one comment? I guess nobody around here appreciates satire.

Excuse me for overestimating you guys.

Satire has to have some inkling of truth to be funny.

1. Nick Saban does not "propose." "Propose" implies there is some leeway for discussion or disapproval. Nick Saban decrees.

2. Nick Saban is a humble man and would never decree 14 rules; 10 rules were enough for The Lord and plenty for Nick.

(03-07-2014 04:32 PM)Proud Bammer Wrote:  Satire has to have some inkling of truth to be funny.

1. Nick Saban does not "propose." "Propose" implies there is some leeway for discussion or disapproval. Nick Saban decrees.

2. Nick Saban is a humble man and would never decree 14 rules; 10 rules were enough for The Lord and plenty for Nick.

It's funny. But you don't like it because it's lampooning Alabama's Saint Nick.

If you were an Auburn fan you'd be rolling in the floor laughing. Instead, you're all bent out of shape.

The left out the rule against desecrating the statue of Bear. If anyone places an opposing team's artifact on, or nearby, the statue of Bear all of the vegetation surrounding their home shall be poisoned. This is apparently one they adhere to.

BTW: Everyone in Tuscaloosa can identify their first, second, and third cousins. This is essential since Alabama State law prohibits intercourse with a second, or nearer cousin.

Nick Saban was born in West Virginia. I admire his ability to overcome that enormous handicap.

(03-07-2014 06:31 PM)JRsec Wrote:  The left out the rule against desecrating the statue of Bear. If anyone places an opposing team's artifact on, or nearby, the statue of Bear all of the vegetation surrounding their home shall be poisoned. This is apparently one they adhere to.

That's one of Bear Junior's rules, not a Nick Commandment. The Nick Commandent (not a proposal) protects this one:



If I were Nick, I'd WANT that statue covered. It's one damned ugly piece of bronze.

(03-07-2014 06:38 PM)Proud Bammer Wrote:  

(03-07-2014 06:31 PM)JRsec Wrote:  The left out the rule against desecrating the statue of Bear. If anyone places an opposing team's artifact on, or nearby, the statue of Bear all of the vegetation surrounding their home shall be poisoned. This is apparently one they adhere to.

That's one of Bear Junior's rules, not a Nick Commandment. The Nick Commandent (not a proposal) protects this one:



If I were Nick, I'd WANT that statue covered. It's one damned ugly piece of bronze.

Yes, but it's a short piece of bronze.

(03-07-2014 06:34 PM)Proud Bammer Wrote:  Nick Saban was born in West Virginia. I admire his ability to overcome that enormous handicap.

It could have been much worse. He could have been born in Alabama.

"Without Nick Saban standing steadfastly on the front lines of college football health, we were clearly heading towards an era where players smoked while playing football."

I can always use a good laugh... This here was just icing on the cake of those I had today.

Nick Saban proposes 10 new rules but the Alabama fans claim 15...

An SEC coach can write and read?

(03-14-2014 05:06 AM)Wilkie01 Wrote:  An SEC coach can write and read?

You guys ought to know....you hired one.

(03-14-2014 05:41 AM)JRsec Wrote:  

(03-14-2014 05:06 AM)Wilkie01 Wrote:  An SEC coach can write and read?

You guys ought to know....you hired one.

He was a Louisville coach B4 he was an SEC coach! Is that the best you have?

(03-14-2014 05:45 AM)Wilkie01 Wrote:  

(03-14-2014 05:41 AM)JRsec Wrote:  

(03-14-2014 05:06 AM)Wilkie01 Wrote:  An SEC coach can write and read?

You guys ought to know....you hired one.

He was a Louisville coach B4 he was an SEC coach! Is that the best you have?

I was referring to Charlie Strong, not Petrino. I'd say Strong was one of the best that we had. Also Dabo and Jimbo seem to be doing quite well too.