I think this pretty much says it all. Excellent use of a few minutes of your time to read the following:

What the dying know
by Lauretta Hannon
January 20, 2014 08:58 PM

Q: Last year, we had two deaths in the family that hit us all very hard. This has me thinking about my mortality and what I should be doing with the remaining time that I have. I know this is a tall order, but any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

A: First, please accept my condolences. I pray that you and your family will find peace and even joy in the good memories of your dear ones and in the love that never expires.

Instead of my advice, let’s go to the experts: Those near the end of their lives.
Let’s examine the Top 5 Regrets of The Dying, as observed by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware who wrote a book by the same name.

1• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

It’s interesting that the most common regret of all had to do with not being your real self. It’s easy to fall into the snare of others’ expectations and desires and neglect your own dreams. But on your deathbed you realize your choices have resulted in an unfulfilled life. Wow, that would bite big-time.

2• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Ware says that every male patient she nursed expressed this regret. Sadly, they believed they were just doing what they were supposed to do: Be the breadwinner and provide for their families. But in those final days, the multitude of things they missed out on came into vivid focus.

3• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others,” says Ware in an article from The Guardian. “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses related to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
The years roll along, and in the hubbub of family and work and other priorities, we let precious friendships fade. The dying warn us to nurture and sustain these meaningful connections. Imagine lying in the hospital bed with no way to contact those who were so significant to you.

5• I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one,” says Ware. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

These revelations are sobering, but the wisdom in them is powerful. They urge us to be authentic, present, honest and transparent, connected, and happy. Sign me up!

The dead and the dying have much to teach us. Listen to them closely. But most importantly, consider what you want to achieve or change in your life before you join their number.


Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of The Cracker Queen — A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life and a keynote speaker. Southern Living has named her “the funniest woman in Georgia.” See more at thecrackerqueen.com.

As a Christian I believe in "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord".

So I would think that the biggest regret for me would be to not have Jesus in your life when you were alive.

But as a human being no.3 it struck a cord. It's not bitterness that I carry but a certain sadness and perhaps it's my fault.

[quote]

1• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
That one definitely hits closest to home for me.

4• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Ideally, I would love to have kept up with all the people from childhood, high school, college, etc. But I reached a point in life where I just had to accept that was impossible. So even though I "wish" I had done that, I'm at peace with having not done it.

I think in the days before jet-travel and interstate highways and cubicle office-space and broken families, people tended to stay close to their birthplace and knew fewer people. The spiritual peace of such people was probably higher than what we typically have today, but oh well. They lived in different times and had different challenges.

As for the other three "wishes" I think I have achieved them, for the most part.

I think I've done okay on 1, 3, and 4. 2 and 5, could have done better.

1 and 5 are generally related, IMO. I work hard, but I also play hard. I'm a big believer in both. That way my kids get to see the best of both worlds.

Quote:2• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Ware says that every male patient she nursed expressed this regret. Sadly, they believed they were just doing what they were supposed to do: Be the breadwinner and provide for their families. But in those final days, the multitude of things they missed out on came into vivid focus.

This is the one we have the least control over. If you're the breadwinner and have to provide for your family, you don't have many options aside from working 5+ days per week, 8-10 hours per day. Especially if you're mid-career and "starting over" isn't a viable option.

That said, I work to live, not live to work. I'm probably more of the European or Latin American mindset that way. I do alright for a living and am serious about my career, but I'm not as dog-eat-dog, work to the bone like many cohorts in the US and East Asia.

(02-07-2014 01:58 PM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  I think I've done okay on 1, 3, and 4. 2 and 5, could have done better.

Same here. The best advice I got about work was from my ex-boss who just retired a year or 2 ago. I was under a lot of stress & working long hours trying to meet deadlines & trying to balance my marriage. I finally threw in the towel and told him "I've got to go home right now and be with my wife." He was about 2 weeks away from retiring and responded to me....

"One day I doubt you'll look back on your life and wish you'd worked more hours. Go home."

Quote:4• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
The years roll along, and in the hubbub of family and work and other priorities, we let precious friendships fade. The dying warn us to nurture and sustain these meaningful connections. Imagine lying in the hospital bed with no way to contact those who were so significant to you.

I see social media having a worsening impact on this, where people (particulary the young) are more focused on quantity over quality. 5 true-blue loyal lifelong friends is better than 100 facebook 'friends'.

(02-07-2014 02:09 PM)blunderbuss Wrote:  

(02-07-2014 01:58 PM)Owl 69/70/75 Wrote:  I think I've done okay on 1, 3, and 4. 2 and 5, could have done better.

Same here. The best advice I got about work was from my ex-boss who just retired a year or 2 ago. I was under a lot of stress & working long hours trying to meet deadlines & trying to balance my marriage. I finally threw in the towel and told him "I've got to go home right now and be with my wife." He was about 2 weeks away from retiring and responded to me....

"One day I doubt you'll look back on your life and wish you'd worked more hours. Go home."

Excellent advice.

I'm the same as you guys. I'm doing alright with 1, 3 and 4, but can work on 2 and 5.

(02-07-2014 01:16 PM)GoodOwl Wrote:  I think this pretty much says it all. Excellent use of a few minutes of your time to read the following:

What the dying know
by Lauretta Hannon
January 20, 2014 08:58 PM

Q: Last year, we had two deaths in the family that hit us all very hard. This has me thinking about my mortality and what I should be doing with the remaining time that I have. I know this is a tall order, but any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

A: First, please accept my condolences. I pray that you and your family will find peace and even joy in the good memories of your dear ones and in the love that never expires.

Instead of my advice, let’s go to the experts: Those near the end of their lives.
Let’s examine the Top 5 Regrets of The Dying, as observed by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware who wrote a book by the same name.

1• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

It’s interesting that the most common regret of all had to do with not being your real self. It’s easy to fall into the snare of others’ expectations and desires and neglect your own dreams. But on your deathbed you realize your choices have resulted in an unfulfilled life. Wow, that would bite big-time.

2• I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
Ware says that every male patient she nursed expressed this regret. Sadly, they believed they were just doing what they were supposed to do: Be the breadwinner and provide for their families. But in those final days, the multitude of things they missed out on came into vivid focus.

3• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others,” says Ware in an article from The Guardian. “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses related to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
The years roll along, and in the hubbub of family and work and other priorities, we let precious friendships fade. The dying warn us to nurture and sustain these meaningful connections. Imagine lying in the hospital bed with no way to contact those who were so significant to you.

5• I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one,” says Ware. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

These revelations are sobering, but the wisdom in them is powerful. They urge us to be authentic, present, honest and transparent, connected, and happy. Sign me up!

The dead and the dying have much to teach us. Listen to them closely. But most importantly, consider what you want to achieve or change in your life before you join their number.


Lauretta Hannon, a resident of Powder Springs, is the bestselling author of The Cracker Queen — A Memoir of a Jagged, Joyful Life and a keynote speaker. Southern Living has named her “the funniest woman in Georgia.” See more at thecrackerqueen.com.

Good stuff.

I totally believe in this philosophy.