Rumors are now emerging that the ACC has become fixated on the idea of upstaging the BiG and holding their tournament at the United Center in Chicago.

The league sees an opportunity to cash in on new addition Notre Dame's Chicago alumni base, less than 100 miles away from the South Bend campus. In addition, this is the perfect location for the conference's new Midewestern wing, built around Notre Dame, Louisville, and Pitt. And Syracuse, with its Great Lakes location on the west side of the Appalachian Mountains, is really more Midwest than it is East Coast.

The conference also believes that the Michael Jordan connection from North Carolina to the Bulls makes the United Center the perfect venue at which to bring national exposure to the expanded conference in the heart land of Middle America. The conference believes that basketball legend Jordan, a North Carolina alum, who brought 6 NBA titles to The City of Big Shoulders after leading the Tar Heels to an NCAA championship, is the perfect figure to give the conference an identity in America's second city.

"We are no longer a regional conference on Tobacco Road," said conference commissioner John Swofford. "We are now America's Conference. Our goal is to be to college sports what the Dallas Cowboys are to the NFL. We eschew any identity with the East Coast elite", Swofford went on to say. "We really see that we have more in common with Joe Sixpack than we do with the wine & cheese set in the East's Ivy Towers."

Swofford would neither confirm nor deny reports that the conference is currently pursuing negotiations to affiliate with all 4 BCS bowls. Unconfirmed reports are that the ACC has already added the Fiesta and Sugar Bowls to their current Orange Bowl affiliation, but that they are having some difficulty with the Rose Bowl. Conference insiders seem confident that the ACC will eventually prevail in their efforts to gain the inside track at Pasadena. It is believed that the effort to locate the conference tournament at the United Center in Chicago is just one part of a multipronged strategy to displace the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl. In the current wacky world of college athletics, anything seems possible.

well, Swofford is right about being "americas conference" since alomost half their membership has come from the conference now known as the American!

Jokes aside Swofford seems more and more to me to be a big D**bag

someone please post the picture

of Fonzie jumping over the sharks

Great stuff Melky!



Of course, ACC fans will think this is true...

In other satirical news, the ACC wants to move games on the third Saturday in October to Tuscaloosa. ESPN is all for it...

This reminds me of when the Big Ten supposedly wanted to add Vanderbilt, Georgia Tech, and several others. This is just a dog marking "his" territory.