Since it's another week before we get our @ss drilled by (I)diots (O)ut (W)andering (A)round, I thought I would share some thoughts that Dan Enos has never thought about:

# Hey, Dan, the time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

# Tension is who you think you should be (). Relaxation is who you are.

# Is it true that panda ears are delicious?

# Should gay vampires be allowed to marry?

# How long does a male marsh wren chirp before his balls fall off?

# I wonder if my neighbor's kids are going to look as pale and moley as their parents?

# Want to keep the party invitee list down? Go with a peanut and shell-fish theme.

# What's in Dan's severance package? An unclaimed umbrella and a final "pfhuck you!"

# The stars foresee a second job promotion in the days to come, though they should probably be telling Dave Heeke about it instead of you.

# Did RR receive "Frog And Toad Are Friends" instead of playbook?

# Since our team hasn't had any penalties in the first two games, we need to give them a list of rules they can break.

# In Dan's world, pretending everything is okay, works.

# Are you a Lesbiantarian?

# If our losses keep piling up, we're going to have to hire professional clappers from North Korea (south end zone).

# Despite back-to-back 3-9 seasons, there's no way Dan is going to make assistant manager at Crazy Bob's Fireworks shack as long as he still has both hands.

# At press conferences, Dan needs to brush up on his English with Rosetta Stone (because I never know what the pfhuck he's talking about!).

# Dan, one day when(?) you have Alzheimer's, the highlight of your day will be when the oscillating fan comes around.

# The maitre d' at La Seniorita, says you can't even manage a lunch menu let alone a division I football team!

# You'll be getting down and dirty, as well as hot and heavy, quite a lot in the near future, but that's mostly because it will be time to move.

# We know you're a Civil War reenactment buff, but you really shouldn't have used your Renaissance Fair voice during the Battle of Chancellorsville.

# When you were born, they threw away the mold, the glass womb, the intravenous feeding tubes, the contaminated petri dishes, and most of the funding.

# The thought of an invisible man who lives above the clouds and judges all of mankind might seem strange to us, but, hey, that's Dan.