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Hi! Are you a mid-major looking to get a win against a team from a BCS Conference? Are you a former Big Power looking for a momentum changing win? Are you tired of paying little 1-AA schools to come to your house to beat them up, and still get no credit for doing so? Are you Notre Dame?

Well then, have I got a deal for you! For the low low price of $350,000 you can have a guaranteed[1] win against a decent school from a BCS Conference! How does it work? Well we're not completely sure, except that You Will Win!

Here's how it works: If you can get your team to Charlottesville, Virginia, we bring in Georgia Tech to play your team at Scott Stadium on the beautiful University of Virginia campus for a game on a Saturday Afternoon! Your check will cover the cost of renting the stadium[2] and bringing in Georgia Tech for a guaranteed Win for your team!

I have with me Al Groh, head coach of the Cavaliers from the University of Virginia. Now Al, you gotta tell me how this works!
AL GROH: You know, I'm not really sure how it works. I just know that no matter how ****** my team is (and let me tell you I've had some ****** teams here in my time at UVA) we always manage to beat Georgia Tech every other year when they're here! Why I remember in my first year here, we sucked hard. We were looking at 3-9 at best with Georgia Tech and Penn State left on the schedule. GT was real good that year, they had a team that had a little bit of disappointment, but was about 6 points away from being unbeaten. Man we were horrible but we won by a point here and rode that momentum to a 5-7 season! I've been head coach here ever since, despite being overpaid by about a million a year!

Wow, how can you pass that up? Well, I have Ted Roof, head coach of the pitiful Duke Blue Devils here on the phone! Ted, what do you think of this deal?
TED ROOF: I can't believe this deal! I'm going to get my game with the Yellow Jackets moved to Charlottesville this year! We haven't had a conference win in 3 years, but I know that won't be the case this year! I can't lose!

So there you have it folks, an irresistible offer if you're a coach in need of a win, or an athletic director needing to improve the program! Just call 1-800-FORAWIN and get your guaranteed win!

<font size="-2">Wins are not completely guaranteed, you still have to show up and play first. Payments for parking and concessions for your fans are not included in the price. Funds received from parking and concessions are kept by the University of Virginia. In the event you take up this offer and still manage to lose you should be fired from your job. </font>