Since we aren't allowed to discuss this **** on the UNC board I figure we will talk about him here.

Commense public flogging NOW!

Okay, Dean Smith and Phil Ford were in Four Corners one evening discussing great games of the past, ex-Tarheel All-Americans, and the magic of Chapel Hill. The waitress came by and asked what they wanted to drink. They both said beer. Then Dean said, "You know Phil, if we're both drinking beer, we ought to just get a pitcher." Phil thought a minute and said, "Good idea! Hey waitress, two pitchers!"

<img border="0" alt="[Cheers]" title="" src="graemlins/cheers.gif" />

Best sign seen in Cameron circa 1996

"Hey Trish(Ford's Wife), who's the best penetrating guard?" <img border="0" alt="[Laughing]" title="" src="graemlins/laughing.gif" />

I had a sign in 96-97 that read "Who's driving the Ford now?" The LJVM nazis didn't like that one much!

One day Dean Smith was sick and was unable to attend practice. Phil Ford had to act as head coach for the day. Before practice, Phil asked the team if anyone had anything to confess. Dean, being the family oriented person he was, had a team rule that if you confessed to a sin before anyone found out, the punishment would be much less severe. King Rice blurted out, "I punched my girlfriend last night." Phil said, "Okay King, that will be two laps. Start running." Brian Reese then said, "I skipped my 9:00 class this morning." Phil said, "You what? This is THE University of North Carolina! You don't skip class here. Who do you think we are, NC State? Twenty laps! Start running." Then Rick Fox said, "I got a blowjob last night." Phil looked puzzled and paused for a moment. "Blowjob, blowjob, blowjob" he said as he thought and scratched his head. Just then Johnny the towelboy walked by. Phil said, "Hey Johnny, what does Dean give for a blowjob." Johnny said with a smile, "Two twinkies and a Pepsi!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="tongue.gif" />

BOOM!

How does Phil Ford change a light bulb?

He grabs on to the bulb and drinks 'til the room starts spinning. <img border="0" alt="[Cheers]" title="" src="graemlins/cheers.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Cheers]" title="" src="graemlins/cheers.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[drinky]" title="" src="graemlins/drinky.gif" />

Phil Ford was driving Dean to the game when a state trooper pulled them over. The trooper said, "Mr. Ford, I clocked you at 85 MPH." "No way officer," Phil replied, "You must be wrong." So the trooper showed him the radar gun flashing 85. "There is no way I was speeding," Phil said,"the radar gun must be broken." "Listen fella," the trooper begins. Just then Dean leans over and says, "Don't argue with him officer, he's always this stubborn when he's been drinking."

The Phil Ford Basketball Lexicon:

Lane Violation - Crossing the double yellow line.

No look Pass - Passing a vehicle with one eye closed.

Assist - Help back on to your bar stool.

Bucket - Beer serving at Blimpie's.

Double Dribble - Beer stains on your pants AND shirt.

Time Out - Pee break.

Four Corners - a Chapel Hill pub.

Final Four - drinks after last call.

March Madness - Attending happy hour every day in March.

Floor Burn - What Mrs. Ford got while hanging with jeff McInnis.

One dark, rainy night on I-85 between Chapel Hill and Durham, Phil Ford and Johnny Dawkins got into a nasty head on auto collision. Miraculously, neither was injured even though both cars were totaled. They got out and exchanged insurance information and Phil commented, "You know Johnny, there's so much hatred between us, our schools, our teams. Well, I think it's time we both realize that all that doesn't matter anymore. What's important is that we're both alive." They both break into tears and hug for a good five minutes. Johnny said, "You're right, I think this calls for a celebration." He goes back to his mangled trunk and pulls out an unopened bottle of "Old Crow" whiskey. "A toast!", Johnny exclaimed as he handed Phil the bottle. Phil downs nearly 3/4 of the bottle in one sip, then hands it back to Johnny. Johnny screws the cap back on the bottle and throws it into the woods. "What's the matter, don't you want some?", Phil asks. Johnny says laughing, "No, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up." <img border="0" alt="[drinky]" title="" src="graemlins/drinky.gif" />

<small>[ April 01, 2002, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: Big Pimpin Deac ]</small>