06-25-2015, 11:25 AM
i know many of you are or soon will be experiencing sexual experiences for the first (and maybe last) time. i'm here as your resident sexual guru to guide you through this humiliating but ultimately rewarding adventure.
hi. my name is lush. that isn't a typo. i spell my name along with everything else in lower case. you might be asking yourself, why does a man with so few sexual conquests literally under his belt, feel the need to tutor me, a virile man full of good sport? yeah, that's a good point but when i wasn't off being promiscuous, i was observing and i was cultivating. is it any coincidence that the first girl i asked to marry me, accepted? no. that wasn't a coincidence
ok. so lesson one. if you're in a group, don't acknowledge anyone except the dudes. the girls will think you're hard to get, gay, or too good for them, either way, you're mysterious. and that's a plus. mysterious men usually are spanish and they might think that you are
lesson two. i love baby powder. every region of my body accepts it. when your pride and joy are unearthed for but few brief moments, your partner will appreciate the consideration, especially if it's an unexpected cockslap to the face
i think that's it.
ohhhh there is one more thing. ultimately women want to be with a nice person. income, aspirations, looks, etc... don't mean anything if you can't treat somebody nice. and that doesn't mean being romantic, because that's a f*cking fairytale and lame as hell. who f*cking wants an on call romantic partner? you romanticize every once in a while. for some reason women like perishable flowers. it doesn't make any sense to me, but neither does plowing through a 12 pack to her. we all have substances that make us smile and dammit that's enough for me. buy the lady some damn flowers even if you're just going to compost them in a few days
and the final lesson. if you're a poet, jump the shark.
could i mistake my loins for lions?
i heard the crying
from my siren
her peaks swayed
with every marvelous thrust
i gallantly grabbed
to that naked bust
it was a climax
this work of art
i've financed
to work
that fine ass
if it wasn't i
she would just lie
malnourished and cry
longing
for this guy
hi. my name is lush. that isn't a typo. i spell my name along with everything else in lower case. you might be asking yourself, why does a man with so few sexual conquests literally under his belt, feel the need to tutor me, a virile man full of good sport? yeah, that's a good point but when i wasn't off being promiscuous, i was observing and i was cultivating. is it any coincidence that the first girl i asked to marry me, accepted? no. that wasn't a coincidence
ok. so lesson one. if you're in a group, don't acknowledge anyone except the dudes. the girls will think you're hard to get, gay, or too good for them, either way, you're mysterious. and that's a plus. mysterious men usually are spanish and they might think that you are
lesson two. i love baby powder. every region of my body accepts it. when your pride and joy are unearthed for but few brief moments, your partner will appreciate the consideration, especially if it's an unexpected cockslap to the face
i think that's it.
ohhhh there is one more thing. ultimately women want to be with a nice person. income, aspirations, looks, etc... don't mean anything if you can't treat somebody nice. and that doesn't mean being romantic, because that's a f*cking fairytale and lame as hell. who f*cking wants an on call romantic partner? you romanticize every once in a while. for some reason women like perishable flowers. it doesn't make any sense to me, but neither does plowing through a 12 pack to her. we all have substances that make us smile and dammit that's enough for me. buy the lady some damn flowers even if you're just going to compost them in a few days
and the final lesson. if you're a poet, jump the shark.
could i mistake my loins for lions?
i heard the crying
from my siren
her peaks swayed
with every marvelous thrust
i gallantly grabbed
to that naked bust
it was a climax
this work of art
i've financed
to work
that fine ass
if it wasn't i
she would just lie
malnourished and cry
longing
for this guy